Hey, did you know Americans are getting dumber by the minute? Well, they are.

So in order to keep us on that downward spiral — and in honor of the news that Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz have gotten engaged — we here in the Newsroom have created a list of potential engagement gifts for the happy couple. What do you get for the people who already have everything? (Damn those adorable have-alls!) So here are some high-end treats for the high-end sweets:

· These “Groucho” glasses, which are doubly appropriate, considering that the dynamic duo need disguises to hide from the paparazzi…and some well-documented adventures in rhinoplasty.

· The “Photographs: Annie Leibovitz 1970-1990″ book, if only for the image of John Lennon and Yoko Ono. Infer from that what you will.

· Matching BAPE hoodies to show off their undying unity, and to blind any paparazzi who get to close. Funky and functional.

· A copy of “Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage,” for those times when Papa Joe wants to spend the night, plan the wedding, or take Pete out for dual hair frostings.

· Booze. Trust us.

If you think we’re getting all “Grinch Who Stole Christmas” on ya, tell us what darling items you’d give the happy couple.