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A way-too-passionate missive from Rya, MTV News intern and former Upper East Sider:
Hello, again.
As you may have gathered from my last post, I am nothing if not an arbiter of very good taste. Mind you, this trait was cultivated over years of being reared on Manhattan’s Upper East Side (heretofore known as the “UES”). Thanks to this upbringing, I now have a taste for some of life’s finer things, like hand towels, crudités, and the all-important “Gossip Girl.”
"GG" -- have I read the original books? No, since reading anything tangible is overrated. Instead, I come with a knowledge of the subject matter that can't be culled from some bestselling work of teen fiction -- you had to live it. Which I did (kind of).
You see, for every handful of things on the show that are accurate, there are about 10 zillion more that are...well…slanted. Not to be the type who tells you Santa Claus isn’t real, but I thought I’d straighten out some of the plotlines from last night's much-touted season premiere. My UES insider's rundown, after the jump.
· Jenny stealing Hazel’s mother’s dress didn’t strike me as that odd -- there was definitely a girl in my grade who pilfered from a much wealthier friend’s closet to fund her coke problem. What did strike me as odd, however, was how well the dress fit Jenny’s prepubescent frame. I mean, it was made for Hazel’s mother.
· While it’s too early in the show for Jenny to fall victim to vice, Rufus Humphrey would have to make a killing in royalties from his days as a Meat Puppet or whatever to cover his daughter’s cab costs alone. And Jenny takes cabs: how else could she get from her bohemian spoils in teenagers-don't-really-live-here Williamsburg to Nate’s WASP’s nest on the UES faster than you can say “I really don’t want to be alone on my birthday”?
· Blair had spoonfuls of fat-free yogurt -- one of the few permitted snacks for the professionally rail-thin -- thrown on her head when she returned to school. This would never happen in real life because, quite frankly, no private-school girl worth her weight in SAT tutors would ever waste her only source of nourishment on someone as trivial as an ex-Queen Bee.
· Speaking of Blair, while planning Jenny’s birthday party was a noble effort to win back her minions (and make for one of the most sexually charged scenes between a girl and her friend’s dad), it would never have occurred. Blair said it best when she stated, “Brooklyn, I think it’s in New York,” to a 411 operator. The borough might as well be in Cameroon to these ladies. They're not going there.
· About that entrance into Constance Billiard -- Serena had cases of champagne delivered to her in front of the school by a mystery friend, and then distributed its contents among her classmates. Must I even get into this? Really, Serena? Do you really want me to believe that you got away scott free, especially after the swimming pool incident? Only the spawn of a handful of UES families could pull that one off.
· My (read: Jewish) dad’s favorite joke is “What’s the best thing a Jewish girl makes? Reservations!” This has nothing to do with last night, per se, but where was that Semite member of the popular pack to get that table at Socialista? Nowhere! Now that Katie Farkas has shipped off to Israel, where is the Jewish girl? I don’t know if they got the memo, but we do make up a good part of the neighborhood. Can we have some drama take place at a Shabbat dinner? At least that doesn’t take place on a school night!
· Last, but not least: I’ve warmed up to the newly minted big brother Chuck. I actually found it endearing when he thought it was wise to hotbox his bathroom before school. But then he went downstairs and ate breakfast with his blended family like nothing ever happened. I can kind of see the family bonding over brioches -- but the writers really pissed away an opportunity for some classic stoner laughs. Oh, well, there’s always next week.
OK, back to working on the Choose or Lose coverage of the PA primary.
XOXO
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