By Rya Backer
Was it just me, or was last night's episode of "Project Runway" a little ... bland? Just me? All right, agree to disagree. Anyway, without further ado, here are the Ins and Outs.
IN:
Stella: I don't even know where to begin, because my obsession with her has reached the point that she could split a pair of chopsticks, and I'd consider it to be sacred, high art. That said, shame on Brooke Shields for thinking that Stella's proposed outfit wasn't "work appropriate." What's wrong with sporting a leather bustier around the cubicle farm?
Blayne's smile: I'm not above saying that that gap-toothed grin brings me joy. But that just might be the only thing about L'Orange that I've taken to. You know what Blayne thought up this week that brought a frown to my face? Here's a hint: It starts with "Bermuda" and ends with "shorts."
Joan Kors: First of all, happy belated birthday, you iconic, turtlenecked, lipsticked, and bespectacled woman. Second of all, thanks again for birthing the "classic American designer," who described Kelli's leopard-print-heavy look as "slutty, slutty, slutty!"
"The Real World": Why have the contestants got a weight room? Why am I watching Keith and Daniel pump iron? Should I mentally prepare already for next week, when Joe will shamelessly pick his nose and then dunk the same finger in Jerell's peanut butter? Will Tim Gunn take part in the hot tub threesome?
Models: When Daniel and Kelli were all over their model, I felt for her a little. And by "a little," I mean, my privacy was invaded when I watched the pair feeling up their helpless, live mannequin.
France's Olympic Opening Ceremony outfit: Clearly, the men and women who worked on the ensemble have been hip to this season. How else can you explain the similarities between Stella Zotis' lime-green, leather belt, and the red leather numbers fastened around the waists of the French lady athletes?
Heidi's jokes: Last night's "She looks like a woman that didn't have a mirror" wasn't hilarious in the least, but it would've been uncouth not to acknowledge her efforts.
Nina Garcia: She's out in every other way, but last night's "You can't get taste if you don't have it" was the stuff of legend. Ladies and gents, meet a woman who refers to those subservient to her as "the help."
OUT:
Successful businesswomen: Literally. Consider this to be the adult version of the controversy over the girl who lip-synched at the Olympics. Instead of having a smart, savvy businesswoman with a social life judge the competition, they opted to have an actress whose character is a smart, savvy, businesswoman with a social life. Are these types of ladies so hard to come by in this big city? Although celebrities have pull in selling clothes, it's these successful women who actually buy them — retail. Why not celebrate their riches?
Leanne: In the final judging, she apologetically said she'd send Blayne home. Excuse me, Leanne, but not having L'Orange and his latest gimmick around would be a loss to the viewing audience, as his admittedly tired antics make for much better television than your gift for fashion design. I guess what I'm trying to say is you could've apologized to us, too.
Kenley: When I first saw her nutty gigglefest, I thought, "I'll have what she's having." Then, I watched the footage again, and I realized that (if we're to believe the editing) she was laughing at Daniel's claim that he's got sophisticated taste. Kenley, I hope your bangs separate.
Gossip: I know, I banned him; the ban was lifted, whatever. The point is, when Suede talked about himself in the third person during a voice-over, I thought it was another contestant talking behind Suede's back. This means one of two things: I need to get more sleep, or Suede's third-person problem has reached a new low.
Phys ed: Last night, the designers worked in teams. Each team leader (selected by Shields) had to pick a partner, and Stella was chosen last. Why did the designers have to relive such harrowing memories of dodgeball and fourth grade? Why couldn't Tim Gunn just pull names out of his velvet bag? Oh, because the former made for better television? Never mind.
Terri: She said something about having no babies, and nobody sucking on her ... OK, I can't even talk about it.
Pitching: The designers had to pitch their proposed "day-to-night" outfits to the world renowned style icon, Brooke Shields, who would then decide whose outfit would make it onto "Lipstick Jungle." Is the opportunity a "get"? Yes. Could the contestants' interactions with Shields have been more uncomfortable? No.
Hugs: If you try to hug someone when Suede's around, he will creepily inch closer until he invites himself into the embrace. See: the moment he ruined between Tim and Terri.
Kelli: Stella's BFF was kicked off. This made Stella cry. I never want to see Stella cry ever again.
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