By Rya Backer
Last night, I worked the press line at my first red-carpet premiere. It was for the movie "Sex Drive." It was really exciting; the stars were out in (thinned) droves, and the red carpet was actually a tasteful pattern of beiges!
"Sex Drive" is basically about a guy traveling a really far distance to interact physically (if you know what I mean) with a girl he met on the Internet. In a related story, I thought it would be really funny to ask all the red-carpet walkers what's the greatest length they've ever gone to get laid — and nobody agreed.
Anyway! "Sex Drive" stars such famous funny people as Clark Duke (star of Youtube staples "Drunk History" and "Clark and Michael") and Seth Green. It's also produced by the same forward-thinking geniuses that make "Gossip Girl," which is why the premiere's press release was littered with such guaranteed guests as Taylor Momsen (Jenny), Connor Paolo (Eric) and Chase Crawford (Nate) — the latter of whom I planned to ask out on a date, because rejection and heartbreak make for amazing television. Naturally, he didn't show up, but I managed to have fun and unearthed some hard-hitting truths in the process. Like how the very charming Clark and Seth kindly pointed out that MTV News exclusively hires gorgeous women. My producer, Vanessa, and I blushed; so did our stunning shooter, Brendan.
Rufus Humphrey (er, Matthew Settle) is having a baby, guys! When my 30 seconds with him were through, he tried to slap me five, but I thought he was shaking my hand, so our hands did this weird sort of slap that you only see in secret handshakes — ohmygoditwassoembarassing. That said, I've yet to wash my right hand.
Though she didn't get to work with Oprah, Katrina Bowden of "30 Rock" hypothesized that television's grand priestess, who makes a cameo on the show this season, smells like flowers and assorted fluffy things. I'm just relaying what I heard.
My crew and I were within, like, six inches of Leighton Meester, and I had all of these questions prepared for her. But she did press with only one network, the name of which may or may not include a letter of the alphabet and an exclamation point. I felt like the Blair to that network's Serena — neglected and vengeful. And just as soon as it started, it was all over. The famous people vanished from the press line to go eat free popcorn, sip on free champagne and watch "Sex Drive" for free. I took the subway home, holding fast to the fact that at long last, I confronted Seth Green about my allergy to dancing.
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