Who’s On The Real Coachella Lineup? Probably Not These Bands

The White Stripes' Jack WhiteIf it’s mid-January, then it must be time for the fake Coachella lineups to begin fluttering down like so many synthetic snowflakes. A combination of pure speculation, delusion, outright lies and fifth-hand inside information from a-guy-who-knows-a-guy-who-dated-the-promoter’s-cousin, the premature lineups for the fest (held April 17-19) are typically more wish list than reality, but they always make for a good laugh. (Read our roundup of other music-festival rumors here.)

As we await the actual announcement, which is reportedly due this morning on Los Angeles’ KROQ FM, here’s who is not playing (or not yet, officially):

Faith No More: The 1980s alt-rockers will, alas, not reform for the fest, but leader Mike Patton will perform with Rahzel the human beatbox, according to Billboard.com. So that’s something.

Daft Punk, Radiohead and David Bowie: These rumors were so rampant that Coachella officials took the unusual move of publicly denying them.

White Stripes and Lil Wayne: One of our favorite early fake posters for this year’s show surfaced back in October. I have no inside information, but I can almost guarantee you that this will not be true.

Green Day, No Doubt, Replacements, Neil Young, Lou Reed, Pavement, Red Hot Chili Peppers: Respectively, these are the reasons these artists probably won’t be there: finishing an album and don’t need the hassle; recording an album and launching their own headlining tour in May; never going to get back together; c’mon; see previous; never going to get back together; on extended hiatus.

ConsequenceofSound.net has all the fake lineup news you can use in a one-stop shop, with a list that includes nearly all of the above, plus: Fleet Foxes, Franz Ferdinand, the Killers, Paul McCartney, Lily Allen, Mastodon, Outkast and Nine Inch Nails.

Stay tuned for the real lineup news as soon as it’s released.