If it's mid-January, then it must be time for the fake Coachella lineups to begin fluttering down like so many synthetic snowflakes. A combination of pure speculation, delusion, outright lies and fifth-hand inside information from a-guy-who-knows-a-guy-who-dated-the-promoter's-cousin, the premature lineups for the fest (held April 17-19) are typically more wish list than reality, but they always make for a good laugh. (Read our roundup of other music-festival rumors here.)
As we await the actual announcement, which is reportedly due this morning on Los Angeles' KROQ FM, here's who is not playing (or not yet, officially):
Faith No More: The 1980s alt-rockers will, alas, not reform for the fest, but leader Mike Patton will perform with Rahzel the human beatbox, according to Billboard.com. So that's something.
By Daniela Capistrano

Dear Jessica,

By Nicole Tahan
Maybe the girl-pop world is taking inspiration from President Barack Obama's renewed interest in green technology, but for whatever reason, there's a lot of song recycling going on lately.
By Steven Roberts