We’re Live-Blogging The Next 12 ‘American Idol’ Performances!

Jim Cantiello

President Obama threw a wrench in “Idol’s” sink last night, what with his “I’m so important I’m going to talk and talk and talk and ruin Jim Cantiello’s favorite show schedule and make his whole week feel weird” speech thingy, so here we are on a Wednesday night gearing up to watch the next batch of 12 semi-finalists try to melisma their way into the finals. I feel like a dog in a dress, honestly. An “Idol” performance show on a Wednesday? But this is the night we normally watch 58 minutes of filler before 2 minutes of results! The sky is falling!!

Before we get to tonight’s “American Idol” live-blog, I must admit that I’m live-blogging at work this week. I couldn’t make it home in time for the show, so I’m sitting here with headphones on. I’m watching on a crappy monitor with bad reception. (Seriously, MTV. We’re a cable network. Why don’t we get reception in the building?!) I miss my cats. I have that odd “airplane hunger” ping in my tummy – when regardless of how much you shoved down your gullet at the airport, as soon as you step on the plane you’re automatically hungrier than Kate Moss during fashion week.

We’ll work through this together, shall we?

So last week, we saw Michael “Non-deserving” Sarver, Danny “Ghost Whisperer” Gokey, and Alexis Grace make it to the finals, or as MTV.COM user bsriddle called her, “the 12 year old with the helmet hair.” Snap!

Now let’s get live-blogging!

7:57 pm – Any latecomers to the season, don’t fret. You can quickly catch up with what you missed last week by watching my handy dandy “Idol in 60 Seconds” recap here.

8:00 pm – Ryan Seacrest: “Where else can you find a bartender, a font designer and a comedian…?” I don’t know, dude, but I’m pretty sure you can find a porno for any fetish out there. Keep lookin’.

8:00 pm – Wait a hot minute second! Is Megan Corkrey a FONT DESIGNER?! She is even sexier now. Do you think she can speak “Wingding?” Swoon!!

8:01 pm – The three finalists are there. Is it just me or does Alexis Grace remind you of Keri Strug? She is tiny!

8:02 pm – The judges have changed their seating assignments. Why do they have to mess with perfection?

8:03 pm – Oooh: the performing order has been revealed. Jasmine the Pageant Queen is up first, which can only mean that she won’t make it through this week. Small victory for me. Matt Giraud is #2, which, after Alexis Grace last week, might be the new pimp spot? Nick “Normund Gentle” is dab smack in the middle (poor guy), and Megan Corkrey has added a “Joy” to her name. Obviously it’s a shout-out to me, since she knows she brings me so much. Or, at least she did in the 14 seconds we heard her sing in an audition episode. Boy, do I hope she’s good tonight.

8:03 pm – Jasmine Murray is a 17-year old. She looks like a skinny Mo’Nique. That’s a compliment.

8:04 pm – Jasmine is performing Sara Bareilles’ “Love Song” in space. The producers have the background monitor in “Spaceballs Ludicrous Speed” mode. I guess that explains her space suit?

8:05 pm – This is fair. Some awesome sassy moments, but some iffy ones, too.

8:07 pm – The judges are totally agreeing with me. I should be the fifth judge!

8:08 pm – Simon Cowell disses her hard. “I like you. You’ve got a great look. You’ve definitely got the attitude and the confidence. You just haven’t got a great voice.” Ouch!

8:09 pm – Wow, they killed the Awkward Red Room segment! Seacrest is interviewing her on the stage. Wait, did she just say she voted for everyone last week? She realizes that her votes cancelled each other out, right? I’m done with her.

8:14 pm – Matt “Deuling Piana’ Player” Giraud is up next. His speaking voice sounds like Lil Wayne’s. He’s going to sing Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida.” Without a piano.

8:15 pm – Look kids, a falling star!

8:16 pm – Poor Matt! This is embarassing. Even Chris Martin, who doesn’t always have the “pitch” thing down live, is plugging his ears.

8:17 pm – The judges are just as confused as I am. Why did this bluesy guy go for a tuneless rock song? At least Paula acknowledged that the contestants aren’t allowed to play instruments until the Top 12.

8:18 pm – There’s always the Wild Card round, buddy.

8:22 pm – Wow, I’m still in shock over Matt’s epic flame-out. What’s going on with these singers this year? Nerves? Bad catering? Weird mojo with the fourth judge? Or are we spoiled after the two Davids? Discuss…

8:25 pm – Seacrest is back. “Hey, if you’re a masochist and want to listen to Matt Giraud again, feel free to purchase the performance on iTunes!”

8:25 pm – Jeanine Vailes is a new person. Hi Jeanine!

8:26 pm – She’s pooping all over Maroon 5′s “This Love.”

8:26 pm – Goodbye Jeanine!

8:26 pm – Poor Jeanine said she wanted to start with something she’s comfortable with. I can relate. This is usually my first karaoke jam when I rock the mic. I’d like to think that I sound better than her, though. Any of my co-workers want to chime in in the comments?

8:29 pm – I’m not even going to bother wasting keystrokes on this poor thing. Put this girl out of her misery!

8:30 pm – Dear God, now she’s begging. “I’m the oldest one here!” That’s no way to win votes. Just ask McCain.

8:32 pm – The Top 36 doesn’t seem like such a great idea anymore, does it “Idol” producers? This is torture!

8:35 pm – “King of the Hill” is still on?

8:35 pm – Nick Mitchell is up! OMG SO EXCITED! He’s having an identity crisis.

8:37 pm – BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! “And I Am Telling You,” that was the most insane thing I’ve ever seen on this show. And I loved every crawl, every growl, every ad-lib, every friggin’ karate kick! It was memorable, it was twisted, it was just what this show needed. Team Gentle!

8:41 pm – Paula just said, “I don’t think this is the stage for you.” You know what? She’s right. The stage for him is really “MTV Detox.” Nick Mitchell, come on “Detox” the first chance you get, dude! We just had Sandra Lee from the Food Network on. Tonight’s episode features a giant tampon. “Detox” is your people. Trust me!

8:46 pm – What a jolt! You have to admit it, Nick Mitchell makes the show interesting and deliciously unpredictable. Let’s keep him around for a couple more weeks, please. Wouldn’t you rather see what that guy does as opposed to say, Jasmine Murray?

8:48 pm – Allison Iraheta is a 16 year-old who acts like a 47 year-old pill popper. Is she on something tonight? I haven’t seen an interview that awkward since Paula was on Letterman.

8:50 pm – Holy crap, she’s amazing! She’s taking Heart’s “Alone” away from Carrie Underwood. Passionate, authentically rocky, husky-voiced, brilliant! That’s what this show is all about! YES!!

8:52 pm – This girl is a star. She is Avril Lavigne with real chops and totally authentic angst. I am obsessed already. BLOWN AWAY.

8:53 pm – The judges are saying she’s the best of the night by far. Come on guys, she’s the best of the SEASON so far.

8:54 pm – Kris “Eye Candy” Allen is up next. He’s clearly the “cute boy” of the season. (Sorry bald burly welder dude!) He’s performing a respectable “Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson.

8:57 pm – Is that a wedding ring on his finger? Sorry ladies, he’s single! Or a Jesus-loving virgin.

8:58 pm – Kara hated it. Paula loved it. Simon did, too. Kris Kringle is in. Matt Giraud is out. What a crazy night!

9:01 pm – Woot! Megan Joy Corkrey is coming up after the break. She’s probably feeling the pressure right now since Mini-Overmyer Allison Iraheta blew everyone out of the water.

9:01 pm – Totally random question. Is that Fleming singing in those JC Penney ads? Any dormant Fleming & John fans still around? If you haven’t heard their last album (from, like, 10 years ago, “The Way We Are”) track down a copy at once. It is so worth it. What a fun, talented hubby/wife duo. Pop music at its best. Such a scrumptuously produced affair. Okay, I’m off my soapbox now.

9:05 pm – Ryan Seacrest, “Perhaps you will download Megan.” That sounds filthy.

9:06 pm – Oh no. Megan Corkrey’s singing the deadly Corinne Bailey Rae’s “Put Your Records On.”

9:07 pm – She looks nervous. She sounds a LOT better than Antonella Barba, who was booted after ruining this song.

9:08 pm – I love how she shakes when she sings. That was adorable! Not the *best* vocals, but she is just so dang likeable! She is totally the new Edie Brickell!

9:09 pm – Paula loves her. She says “the camera loves her.” And I love her, too. I heart you!!! Come on “Detox!”

9:11 pm – So what do we think? Is Megan Corkrey (excuse me, Megan JOY Corkrey) this year’s Brooke White? The quirky, pretty girl with a decent voice? I just hope Megan Joy can keep her sanity and not turn into a quivering mess every week.

9:15 pm – I have to sooo think of a fun Corkrey-related fan club name. Corky’s?

9:16 pm – Matt Breitzke is reintroducing himself. Cute family alert! He’s singing Tonic’s “If You Could Only See.” I totally forgot about Tonic!

9:17 pm – He has an interesting Liza Minelli-esque lisp when he sings. Overall, this is pretty good. A little bar band/karaoke, but solid nonetheless.

9:19 pm – Oh no! The judges hated the song! Weird. I thought it was okay!

9:20 pm – Matt is acting a little like a jerk. Hmm. “I’d sing that song no matter what! It’s my favorite ever! The judges are wrong! Arghhh!”

9:21 pm – Jesse Langseth is up next. She’s related to Jonny Lang. Remember him? Oooh! She’s going to do Kim Carnes’ “Bette Davis Eyes.”

9:22 pm – Another winner, folks! Great, sassy open.

9:23 pm – Well, I got a little bored by the end, but that song always bores me by the end.

9:24 pm – Uh oh, she’s sassing Randy. She just dug her own grave. She also probably didn’t win away any Scott McIntyre fans by singing a song about eyes.

9:24 pm – And now she’s geeking out over the drum beat in the song. In theory, I should love this girl, but she’s really rubbing me the wrong way.

9:27 pm – Kai Kalama is coming up after the break, and thanks to the crappy MTV reception, he looks exactly like Adam Duritz. I’ve never watched “American Idol” through the “scrambled porn” filter before. It’s fun, if not unsettling when Seacrest is talking and I think I’m seeing a nipple through the fuzz.

9:32 pm – Kai “Best Name Ever” Kalama is saying “hello” to viewers again. His sick mom (who looks like Annie Lennox and Emma Thompson’s lovechild) is in the audience while he sings “What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted?” When he sings, he makes a face like he’s about to sneeze. Not attractive.

9:35 pm – Kara thinks his song choice was old-fashioned. Ya think? My parents weren’t even married when that song was released. Jeez!

9:37 pm – Simon thinks Kai would be a good backup singer. I don’t know. Isn’t it in their job description to be pretty when they sing, aside from doing basic hand choreography?

9:39 pm – Raise your hand if you’re still depressed about Matt Giraud’s stinkbomb?

9:41 pm – Do you think Jack Bauer yells like that on a normal day? “I would like a tall latte. I WOULD LIKE A TALL LATTE!”

9:42 pm – Our next victim singer is Mishavonna Henson. Are those silver cockroaches hanging from her ears in her interview tape?

9:43 pm – Train’s “Drops of Jupiter” as done by Adele, doing a country song. Pleasant surprise!

9:44 pm – The “na na na nas” sounded off, but I think that was an off-key backing vocalist. (Is Kai doing backup already?) There was still no excuse for her final bum note.

9:45 pm – Again, the judges weren’t feeling the song choice. Even though Mishavonna’s only 18, Simon thinks she acts 50. So…she’s the opposite of Gwen Stefani?

9:46 pm – Paula is wheezing and sneezing. True/false: Paula is exactly like Winston the cat? Discuss.

9:47 pm – Mishavonna promises to bring the crazy if she gets voted through. Ironically, when she said “bring the crazy” her voice dropped down 14 octaves. Mishavonna! We want you to bring the CRAZY if we vote you through, not necessarily the penis.

9:51 pm – Producers fave Adam Lambert is our last performer of the night. He is the most elfin contestant since Clay Aiken. He should play Bilbo Baggins in “Lord of the Rings: The Rock Opera.”

9:52 pm – Adam Lambert is glamming up The Rolling Stone’s “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” with some Elvis Costello & The Attractions organs. This cover is better than Britney’s but not nearly as bad-ass as Devo’s.

9:54 pm – That was a lot of shrieking! I predict that we’ll see Adam Lambert on Broadway’s “Rock of Ages” sooner than he hopes.

9:56 pm – Simon thinks he’s a love it or hate it artist. Randy thinks he’s super contemporary, which he breaks down as meaning Steven Tyler (huh?!) meets Fall Out Boy meets Robert Pattinson (no!) meets My Chemical Romance. Actually, Randy’s assessment is pretty accurate.

9:57 pm – Breaking news: Adam Lambert is a Twilighter. Great marketing move, dude. Those fans are RABID! He just scored 800 million votes.

9:58 pm – Phone number montage! Jasmine “ZZZ” Murray, Matt “Wild Card” Giraud, Jeanine “Who?” Vailes, Nick “YES!” Mitchell, Allison “Overmyer” Iraheta, Kris “Boy Band” Allen, Megan Joy “VOTE FOR HER EVERYONE” Corkrey, Matt “Bear” Breitzke, Jesse “Bratty” Langseth, Kai “Name” Kalama, Mishavonna “Old Lady” Henson, Adam “Cullen” Lambert.

What do we think? Overall, this was a much stronger batch of contestants. Top girl was definitely Allison Iraheta. Top dawg was probably Adam Lambert. Although half of the viewers were probably left perplexed by his high-pitched vamping, the half that dig him are going to DEVOUR him. If not Adam, then definitely Kris, although Vote For The Worst’s influence could propel Nick Mitchell through next week. Could you imagine? I’m still pulling for my Corkrey love to make it through. She has a fighting chance if enough viewers are captivated by her quirky charms like I am.

I wanna know what you guys think! You know the drill. Hit me up in the comments. My favorite comment will get a shout-out in next week’s live-blog. See you Thursday morning with the latest “Idol in 60 Seconds!” Thanks for reading, guys!