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Resident "American Idol" expert Jim Cantiello brings you a minute-by-minute recap of every episode right here! Keep checking for updates throughout the show, and don't miss out on his previous live blogs and other "Idol" news.

"American Idol" semi-finals are here! And as an "Idol" fanatic and live-blogger, I couldn't be happier. This is the time we learn what the contestants are all about, separate from the producers grubby hands manipulating their audition backstories. I live for the semi-finals, because for every great Jason Castro break-out, there are 4 Nicole Tranquillo hot messes.

It's Christmas in February, folks, and to extend the metaphor, Joanna Pacitti is the one Jewish kid in town. Sorry you were qualified last week, Joanna! The sun'll come out tomorrow. Oops, bad choice.

Before we get to tonight's live-blog, big shout out to MTV.COM user kitgyrl who made me chuckle last week during the "Judge's Mansion" ridiculousness by writing, "In Texas when we tell someone 'You're through,' [it means] your're done...finished...kaput...So, when they say this on the show, it confuses me." Kitgyrl, this show confuses me, too. But for different reasons. Namely, Tatiana.

So let's sit back and take in the TRUE beginning of "Idol: Season 8." (And if the "Idol" Song Spoilers are to be believed, we're in for a lot of insanity.) On with the blogging!

7:55 pm - Fox just aired an "Idol" promo for tonight's episode that was just one "Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!" away from a monster truck rally ad. Classy!

7:59 pm - I'm so ridiculously excited right now! Despite a trainwreck kick off to "Idol's" eighth season, the show still has me hooked, dangit!

8:00 pm - The first group of 12 are standing on the steps like the Brady Bunch. And Tatiana is nodding her head like a bobble head. Let's hope America plays Sam The Butcher and cuts that mess from our show! Boo!

8:01 pm - Seacrest says the judging panel looks like "The View." So...let's see. Randy is Sherri Shephard, Kara is Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Paula is Babs and Simon is totes Joy Behar. (I love that woman. Joy Behar, come on MTV Detox!)

8:03 pm - Ok...give me a moment to transcribe Paula's advice to the contestants. "You know what? This is all your dream, right? You gotta hit that center stage and make magic happen in a minute twenty seconds, and if you don't? Look to the right, look to the left, whoever's better, you're gonna go home! It's a tough...tough...kind of a season this year." How is all that gonna fit on a charm bracelet, Paula?

8:04 pm - Time to introduce the contestants. Or, time for the contestants to make silly faces and hand gestures as they run towards the camera.

8:04 pm - Winner of best hand gesture goes to: Stephen Fowler. To the left, to the left! Worst hand gesture goes to all the contestants who did a double-handed wave. Note to future "Idol" contestants: just wave with one hand. When you do the whole open palmed two-handed grab move, it looks like you're feeling up Casper.

8:05 pm - Jackie Tohn is up first! She's 28 going on 60. The shoulder pads she's rocking in the pre-performance interview package are straight outta Paula's Forever Your Girl Tour wardrobe. She's rocking out to "A Little Less Conversation."

8:06 pm - Oooh, I like it! Funky and weird and funky. But her "Katy Perry at Jazzercize class in 40 years" garb is a little much. Ick, and she's getting a little tone deaf. Or shall I say Tohn Deaf?

8:07 pm - Randy Jackson: "I like the trousers." Jackie Tohn: "And the trousers like you." LOL!

8:08 pm - Uh oh. Jackie needs to stop talking about her trousers. Too much. Too much.

8:09 pm - Simon doesn't like that she "played the clown" tonight. Why would she think that "Idol" rewards clowns? (A-hem, Tatiana and Nick.)

8:10 pm - The Tohn family LOVES shiny clothing.

8:11 pm - Jackie's dad just called her "mama." What's the opposite of Oedipal?

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Tags American Idol, jim cantiello, Live Blog, Semifinals