"So You Think You Can Dance" is the best reality competition show ever. Sure, I'm touted as MTV News' "American Idol" expert, and sure, I get paid to do "Idol in 60 Seconds" recaps every season, but deep down inside, I just wanna "Dance."
I'm not going to rehash the reasons why I think "SYTYCD" is a superior show to "AI" — especially since my old colleague Lindsey Thomas did it perfectly last summer. Instead, I'm here to beg all of you to start watching and make this season the highest rated yet. I have no stock in the show. Hell, it's on a rival network. I just think the world will be a better place if, instead of gossiping about Miley and Jason's breakup, we discussed the finer points of Napoleon and Tabitha's latest lyrical hip-hop routine.
Before you start getting all, "But I don't know anything about dance," or "Who cares about dancers?" let me remind you all that my dance experience is limited to growing up watching "The Grind" and creating the last 60 seconds of this video. Plus, do you know anything about designing clothes or grooming dogs? Then why are you watching "Project Runway" and "Groomer Has It"? (I suppose nobody but me is watching "Groomer Has It," but still). In any case, I understand that a show like this might be overwhelming to newbies.
So, before the top 20 take center stage tonight to pop and lock and waltz and, uh, contemporary, here's a quick primer for any "SYTYCD" virgins out there. Keep this bible near you when the show kicks off tonight, and you'll be good to go.
The show is hosted by Cat Deeley. She's awesome. You will absolutely become obsessed with her. Trust me. I'm convinced that the big "Idol" stage collapse that happened this year was caused by a bunch of Deeley fanatics who prayed that Seacrest would get crushed so that Cat could take over "Idol" hosting duties.
The top 20 will be split up into couples. Each dancer has an area of expertise. Some are amazing at ballroom, some are ballet dancers, and a few are hip-hop b-boys. Each week, the couple will pick a style of dance out of a hat and, regardless of their specialty, they're expected to dance each genre perfectly. Intense! Also, thanks to brilliantly produced taped rehearsal segments, you get to know each and every dancer better than you know your own mother.
On Thursday-night result shows, which, unlike "Idol," are only 20 percent filler, the bottom three boys and girls will have to Dance for Their Life, which means they perform a 30-second solo in front of the judges. Then the panel will have a commercial break to decide who's going home (until the top 10, when results are based solely on America's votes). The term "Dance for Your Life" was especially appropriate two years ago, when one dancer had been deathly ill in the hospital but came in specifically to compete in the solo round. A dancer's life is not glamorous, folks. Side note: If a ballroom dancer lands in the bottom three, their solo will suck.
There's a large stable of choreographers who are just as much the stars of the show as the contestants. There's Mia Michaels, who works in the contemporary category. Contemporary dance looks like it was created to allow angsty teenagers to express themselves. Lots of clenched fists and spasms. And 99 percent of the time, the music is by a girly-girl singer like Sia, Imogen Heap, Yael Naim, etc. Mia choreographs by making "voom" and "woosh" noises. Also, she's really intimidating. And her routines will definitely make you cry at some point this season. (Mia appears on the judges' panel every now and then, and she's often meaner than Simon Cowell.) Head judge and executive producer Nigel Lythgoe mentions Mia's Emmy-winning "Park Bench" routine from season two at least 40 times each season, so you might want to hit up your favorite online video site and check it out ASAP.
Joining Mia Michaels in the contemporary world is relative newcomer Sonja Tayeh. She has a Mohawk and is intensely quirky. In fact, sometimes her stare is so hardcore, her gaze echoes that of Charles Manson. But I mean that in a good way. Somehow. Sonja also choreographs in the jazz genre, which is like contemporary, but with more hand magic and less-constipated-looking facial contortions.
This season marks the return of "SYTYCD" royalty Wade Robson. Those of you who remember his old MTV dance show, stop rolling your eyes. He will redeem himself and then some with his inventive, jaw-dropping routines.
Don't forget about Mandy Moore. (Not that Mandy Moore.) Mandy also works within the jazz and contemporary genres. At first you might think she's trying to be like Mia Michaels, but then you'll realize that she has more of a sense of humor.
Speaking of jazz, Tyce Diorio covers that genre, as well as Broadway. His routines are often hit or miss and his personality will haunt your dreams. He's arrogant, he's flamboyant, he's fame-hungry. And he was most recently painted as the villain in the recent "Chorus Line" documentary "Every Little Step." Can you tell I'm not a fan?
In the ballroom lane, you'll find Jean-Marc Genereux and his wife, France Mousseau. They're French-Canadian, and their straight-forward ballroom routines often land contestants in the bottom three. If your favorite couple picks a waltz, start mourning. They're goners. In addition, this season they've added "Dancing With the Stars" ballroom expert Louis Van Amstel, so your grandparents will be very excited about that.
And finally, the hip-hop contingent. You already know "America's Best Dance Crew" judge Shane Sparks, and you'll meet the verbose crump hero Lil C real quick. But the ones you need to watch are married couple Tabitha and Napoleon D'Umo. They brought a new genre to the show called lyrical hip-hop, which is hip-hop with heart (and often done to songs that aren't hip-hop at all). Their routines tell a story, they use a lot of props, and they're about as gangsta as Will Smith. While Lil Wayne probably won't invite these two to any parties, their gentle style birthed two of my fave routines from last season: Mark and Chelsea's "Bleeding Love," and Joshua and Katie's "No Air." As long as Tabitha and Napoleon stick to their hip-hop-lite specialty and don't venture into crumping territory, they're golden.
At the judges' table, you'll find ballroom expert Mary Murphy. She's like Paula Abdul in that she's an amiable female judge and has a goofy lovey-dovey vibe to her, but don't let her Midwestern aw-shucks soccermom appearance fool you. Unlike Paula, this woman can take down a contestant as well as Simon, if it's warranted. And every now and then she'll whip out some insider dancer jargon and you'll be all, "Wow, this lady knows her sh--!" (When's the last time you said that about Paula?) Also, beware of her scream.
Choreographer-turned-movie-director Adam Shankman often pops up as a judge too. He's the fast-talkin' sass-throwin' likable guy who helmed "Hairspray" among other hits, and according to his Twitter account, he's been going through some heavy personal stuff, so the chances of a live-on-the-air emotional breakdown are quite high.
Debbie Allen makes frequent appearances as a guest judge too, but she's famous already.
And last but not least, there's Nigel Lythgoe. He used to be the executive producer on "American Idol" but left that dog and pony show last year in order to focus on his true love, "SYTYCD." Nigel keeps the show as transparent as possible. He does a great job explaining why the judges are making certain decisions. He addresses any controversies (like the recent semi-homophobic "Brokeback Ballroom" audition) head-on. And he goes out of his way to dis those other dancing reality shows. Plus, he changes his hairstyle more often than Sanjaya. What's not to love? (I suppose his occasional sketchy casting-couch-like comment to some female contestants might make you dry-heave every now and then, but if you don't fault your uncle for saying crap like that, why should you fault Nigel?)
Whew. That's a lot to digest, and I didn't even get to the contestants yet! ACK! The truth is, we don't know much about the top 20, since the audition episodes profiled a lot of dancers who were cut during last week's Vegas Hell Week episodes. The only people we truly know are a couple of dancers who didn't make the cut last year, and a dude named Brandon whom Mia Michaels actively despises for some unknown reason.
So stretch your legs, open your mind and study up, because once you catch "So You Think You Can Dance," you will do high kicks out of joy.
(While the summer's Video Music Awards keep me too busy to do proper "So You Think You Can Dance" recaps, sadly, "Idol" fansites like Rickey.org, TopIdol and MjsBigBlog will keep you up to speed with the latest "SYTYCD" drama.)
And if you'd like me to do "SYTYCD in 60 Seconds" this fall, leave a comment below and tell my bosses.
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