How The Los Angeles Lakers Are Just Like The Wu-Tang Clan


Having dispatched the Orlando Magic in five games, the Los Angeles Lakers are the 2009 NBA Champions. Kobe Bryant finally won without the help of Shaquille O’Neal (just like Jay-Z hoped he would), and the team will be celebrating with a parade in Los Angeles this afternoon. All through the playoffs, it was a familiar-looking Lakers team, and not because they resembled any of the past championship clubs. Rather, they looked and played a lot like the Wu-Tang Clan. Don’t believe me? Check this out:

» Kobe Bryant is RZA: The most talented and controlling member of the team (and also the richest). Are they both a little bit crazy? Sure. Doesn’t it just make us love them more? Definitely. Plus, both Kobe and RZA are friendly with gritty New York City film directors (Kobe & Spike Lee, RZA & Jim Jarmusch).

» Phil Jackson is GZA: The wise sage who is heavily influenced by Eastern philosophy.

» Pau Gasol is Inspectah Deck: A supremely talented guy who always comes through in the clutch but always comes across like a distant loner.

» Derek Fisher is Ghostface: The wily veteran who saved the team — Ghostface rescued the Wu from irrelevance after Wu-Tang Forever, while Fisher brought the Lakers back from the brink in Game 4 of the Finals.

» Lamar Odom is Raekwon: The tough guy who complains a lot.

» Jordan Farmar is U-God: The fundamentally sound guy who everybody is always overlooking. If the Wu ever played hoops, U-God would be the guy playing the most solid defense — just like Farmar.

» Andrew Bynum is Masta Killa: The extremely talented guy who keeps having career setbacks (Bynum has been undone by injuries, while it took forever for Masta Killa’s solo album to come out).

» Trevor Ariza is Method Man: The wild-eyed young guy. Meth is the youngest member of the Wu and Ariza plays with the enthusiasm of a 17-year-old. Also, they both have that crazed look in their eyes all the time.

» Adam Morrison is ODB: The guy with the uneven facial hair who cries in public. Also, both are missing in action.