Two way-old-school heavy metal icons are getting the documentary treatment. In one corner stands Ozzy Osbourne, frontman for Black Sabbath, enemy of bats, “World of Warcraft” fan and reality-TV star. The trailer for “Wreckage of My Past: The Story of Ozzy Osbourne” shows the latter-day Ozzy still living the rock-and-roll lifestyle but also coming to grips with his own mortality (in a key scene, he sucks down oxygen after a show).
In the other corner is Motörhead singer and bassist Lemmy Kilmister, the hard-living working-class pro wrestling fan. “Lemmy” is a glorification of the always-slightly-underrated icon, with testimonials from Dave Grohl, Alice Cooper and Slash (among others). It’s capped off by Kilmister telling one of the filthier jokes in the universe.
But which of these metal icons will have the superior film? It’s time for a Metal-off!
Greatest Musical Contribution
It’s arguable, but Ozzy will probably be known for “Iron Man” above all else, which is completely and utterly badass. The lasting legacy of Motörhead is probably “Ace of Spades,” which is not quite as hardcore but 79 times faster. Advantage: Push
Fictional Character Comparison
Lemmy is described as being a pirate, while Ozzy most often looks like a vampire. Pirates are awesome, but Osbourne is the original lord of the undead. Advantage: Ozzy
“Lemmy” is clearly a celebratory work, applauding Kilmister not only for his body of work but also for simply surviving. Grohl even stands in awe of his ability to pound Jack Daniel’s. On the other hand, the shadows of Ozzy’s past substance abuse loom large. Advantage: Lemmy
Use Of Pyro
There’s none in “Wreckage of My Past” (though there is a great scene where Ozzy is warming up in front of a light show), which “Lemmy” is full of fire. No contest. Advantage: Lemmy
Use Of “World Of Warcraft”
Ozzy plays (and a shot of him in that commercial is in the trailer). Lemmy seems like the sort of guy who has never gone on the Internet — not because he’s out of touch, but because he’s way too hardcore. Advantage: Ozzy
Dave Grohl Connection
Foo Fighters played the U.K. version of Ozzfest in 1998 (alongside Black Sabbath, Slayer and Pantera). Grohl appears on camera in “Lemmy” and also collaborated with Kilmister for a project called Probot. Advantage: Lemmy
Number Of Middle Fingers Thrown In The Trailer:
It’s two for Ozzy, only one for Lemmy (though Lemmy does cross an entire room of people from a glass elevator). Advantage: Ozzy
In the best-of-seven series, it’s a draw. And since both of them would probably agree the other is slightly more metal, that’s probably the way it should be.