The early audition rounds of “American Idol” are good for two things: Making you feel good about your life compared to some of the contestants, and asking yourself why you didn’t try out for the show because you’re just as good as that cross-eyed guy with a club foot who sang an okay Whitney Houston cover that they put through to Hollywood.
The audition rounds are also the place where we meet the truly bizarre, possibly unstable characters who inevitably are invited back for mocking cameos on the season finale: Your William Hungs, your Bikini Girls, and my favorite, pimp-erific Renaldo Lapuz, who captivated the judges with his rousing call to racial harmony “I Am Your Brother.”
These are people who will never make it onto the show — or at least not very far, unless they look awesome in a bikini — but are good for a laugh or two, mostly at their expense. Wednesday night’s Atlanta audition gave us this year’s frontrunner for the honor, amiable 62-year-old Vietnam Veteran General Larry Platt. Clearly too old for the show, producers gave him the pimp spot in the A-town episode because not only is he hilarious, but, like Lapuz, he came with a batty original song that was way, way catchier than anything the “real” contestants sang that night.
And so, we give you the thought-provoking lyrics to “Pants on the Ground”:
Pants on the ground/ Pants on the ground/ Lookin’ like a fool with your pants on the ground/ With the gold in your mouth/ Hat turned sideways/ Pants hit the ground/ Call yourself a cool cat/ Lookin’ like a fool/ Walkin’ downtown with your pants on the ground / Hey, get your pants off the ground!
“I have a horrible feeling that song could be a hit,” Simon Cowell quipped. Though Platt is way over the age limit, Platt promised, “I don’t think this is going to be the last we hear about you. I have a feeling about you, Larry.” Of course, the song already has a too-awesome remix that should extend Platt’s 15 minutes into a few hours of glee.