Last week, we suggested that Rod Blagojevich's exit from "The Celebrity Apprentice" would make it a far less watchable show and would probably cost the NBC reality program some viewers. But it apparently cost them some contestants as well, as everybody was shorthanded this week. With the male team already decimated by multiple firings, they lost Michael Johnson for a decent portion of the episode (he had some sort of family issue). On the female side, Cyndi Lauper ducked out to hang out with the president (though she came back later), and Sharon Osbourne called in sick for the duration of the show. With so many people essentially out of commission, it was up to the rest of the contestants to pick up the slack.
Unfortunately, nobody really did, as even the people who remained on the show were distracted. Bret Michaels was worried about the possibility of his daughter having diabetes (Michaels himself suffers from the disease; he's playing in the name of a diabetes research charity) and Goldberg seemed to be asleep for most of the episode (wearing such dark sunglasses allows him to get away with that). In fact, with all the personal issues at the forefront, the challenge itself seemed like an afterthought. The two teams had to create ads for Right Guard. The men won, mostly because they invited basketball great Scottie Pippen to wear a cape (and because the women made an ad that made absolutely no sense, even in the context of viral videos).
When it finally came time to fire somebody, Trump went out of his way to say that he wouldn't fire Lauper specifically because she missed so much of the challenge (even though she arguably mucked up the works towards the end with her suggestions). Selita Ebanks — a model who most people probably didn't even realize was on this show — got the boot in a pretty low-key boardroom ceremony.
But of course the highlight of the night goes to Bret Michaels. We always knew he was a poet (just check out the lyrics to "Unskinny Bop"), but we were not aware that he was a Shakespeare-esque inventor of new words. When the executives from Right Guard reacted coldly to their advertisement, Michaels said they had looks of "stoicness and confusion — stofusion." The fact that "stoicness" is not actually a word is one thing, but making it a part of a ridiculous portmanteau takes actual genius. Kudos, Mr. Michaels. You've won the hearts of millions all over again, and you're probably going to win "The Celebrity Apprentice" while you do it.