After 43 episodes (and 54 hours you'll never ever get back), the ninth season of "American Idol" is finally down to just two. And I'm live-blogging every last second of it. (Although, not literally every second because that would be quite cumbersome. And boring.)
Will it be Crystal Bowersox, a dread-sportin' diabetes-havin' mother who's doing it all for her adorable baby (who I insist on calling Jack Bowersox)? Or will it be Lee DeWyze, a paint salesman from Mt. Pleasant, Illinois who was kicked out of school for behavior problems and who now loves wearing gray jackets and crying in front of large groups of people?
For a season that has been short on the drama, this week's finale is a bit of a nailbiter. While Crystal was the early stand-out who maintained her lead for most of the season, lately she's been stumbling with poor song choices. Lee always had the support of Simon Cowell and slowly but surely accumulated a very loyal fan base that is eager to root for an underdog. Unlike the Blake/Jordin and Fantasia/Diana showdowns of seasons past, it's anyone's game. Crystal and Lee's performances tonight will definitely determine who will get to sing a terribly cheesy song while confetti lands in his or her mouth at the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles on Wednesday night (May 26).
9:52 WHOA! The "Idol" press conference just ended and Crystal mentioned that she and Lee picked their own first singles. So any talk in my live-blog where I characterize Lee as a victim of a bad decision that was out of his control is inaccurate. Oh Lee DeWyze, why U2?!
9:00 And that's a wrap. Thanks for joining me this evening! And mark your calendars: I'll be live on the "Idol" Finale red carpet tomorrow from 6pm - 8pm EST (3pm - 6pm PST) and the only place you can catch it is on MTV.COM. You won't want to miss it. I'll be chatting up all your "Idol" faves of season's past, LIVE on the internet! (I'll probably interview Cameron Manheim, too. She always randomly shows up to the finale.)
8:55 Raise your hand if Will Young looks like Matt Giraud's better-looking older brother? (No offense Matt. I'm not saying you're a dog by any stretch of the imagination. But that Will Young is hard to compete with.) Here, this will make the Giraud fans happy. One last time this season let's all trend: #signmattgiraud
8:54 The original "Pop Idol" is singing "Get The Hell Out" or whatever this goodbye song is called... Aww, an adorable montage plays behind him, reminding us all of the potential this season had. Hi Lilly Scott, Alex Lambert, Katelyn Epperly and Tyler Grady! Thanks for making things interesting for a little bit, at least.
8:53 In the final phone number montage, it's clear that Crystal outperformed Lee DeWyze three-to-zero. But we should give Lee some credit. He was able to get the words out whilst choking.
8:52 The final Simon critique ever: "That was outstanding." Well that was anti-climactic!
8:52 Wasn't so bad. Crystal thanked Simon and wished him well on his future endeavors. Except it took her 45 seconds to remember the word "endeavor." Good thing that the final round wasn't a vocabulary test.
8:51 The judges are freaking out. Crystal may have just won the show. OH NO! "Can I just say something real quick?" This NEVER ends well with Crystal Bowersox. Keep your Bowermouth shut, girl! Don't ruin this!!!
8:50 Ellen doesn't know any contemporary artists who she can compare Crystal to. I can't either! But I can think of at least 2 dozen artists my parents grew up listening to. Just sayin'.
8:49 This is beautiful. She stole Lee DeWyze's choir. Sneaky move, Crystal! She's fighting back tears at the end. Gasp!
8:48 Somebody in the pit keeps making the Danny Gokey Heart sign. Even the studio audience has Season 8 withdrawal.
8:47 Crystal's first single will be an obscure song by Patty Griffin that Kelly Clarkson has covered. Think producers are playing favorites much?
8:45 I'm still in shock that the powers that be picked a U2 song as Lee's first single. My heart goes out to the DeWyze DeArmy.
8:40 Simon goes out of his way to tell America that Lee is what this show is all about: taking a down-on-his-luck paint salesman and giving him the big break he so desperately needs. If we're going to play the "Overcome Adversity Card" I think Crystal -- who's a struggling musician mom with diabetes -- tops "White Guy Who Mixes Paint" any day of the week. But that's just me.
8:39 The judges are trying to come up with nice things to say about Lee's performance. "You....you're a nice guy!" "You wear leather and hoodies well!" "You know how to open your mouth and make sounds!" Okay, I'm exaggerating.
8:38 Fun fact: I KILL this song at karaoke. If I can sing it well, anyone can sing it well.
8:37 Lee is singing "Beautiful Day" like he's singing about armageddon. Here's a song where you can crack a smile, dude. Even just a little one.
8:36 Say what?!! Lee's first single will be.......a U2 cover song?!! This is bad news, DeWyze fans. Bad bad bad news.
8:35 Lee's coming up next with his potential first single. Since the guy invites choirs over for breakfast, I can only imagine how many backup singers he'll have for his "Idol" coronation song.
8:33 Simon said he's allergic to the song because of how many times it's been murdered in auditions. What's with all the death speak tonight, judges? It's just a show.
8:32 Hmmm. Kara told Crystal she wants her to kill herself on stage. I know "Idol" 's desperate for ratings and watercooler buzz this season but that seems a little extreme, no?
8:31 Crystal Bowersox wants to win. Badly.
8:30 She's walking down the stairs the way my grandma does. Why does Crystal insist on moving and singing at all times? She's like a shark! If she stops moving while performing she'll die!
8:29 Ooooh! Crystal added some gritty fuzz to this performance. (Sorry, Alannah Myles fans. This song will always be a lite-FM snooze fest to me.) I'm really digging this!
8:28 The executive producer picked "Black Velvet" for Crystal. Hope you liked getting screwed by Simon Fuller, Crystal!
8:25 Simon Cowell wants Lee to deliver a 10/10 for his final performance. Keep your expectations in check, Cowell. This is season nine we're talking about.
8:24 Simon Fuller selected R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts" for Lee DeWyze, a song Simon Cowell used as a Haiti charity single and a song I put on repeat and listened to for 3 hours straight when I was a depressed seventh grader. Lee added a painful growl to the lyric "everybody huuuuuurrrrrrts." So literal, Lee! (Somebody get HIM Tums stat!)
8:23 D'oh! MTV's site just accidentally deleted my "witticisms" about Lee DeWyze's "Everybody Hurts."
8:19 I've renamed my water bottle Crystal Bowersox. My "Idol" blogger colleague has renamed hers Lee DeWyze. We're fairly certain our Crystal and Lee have more personality than the real Crystal and Lee.
8:18 Not sure if the mix is off in the press room or at home, too, but both vocalists were drowned out by the band in Round One.
8:16 The judges are drooling all over Crystal. Kara praises the "fire" in her belly. That sounds painful. Somebody get Crystal some Tums stat!
8:14 Between Lee's "The Boxer" and Crystal's "Me and Bobby McGee," Round One could have been re-named "Songs That Feature Las and La Di Das!"
8:13 Crystal Bowersox is reprising "Me and Bobby McGee," which I loved the first time around. Ooh, this time she's singing it into her magic bong microphone. Before getting into the kickass "la la di da" part of the song she tells the crowd to sing with her. I'm tapping my feet.
8:11 The judges are split. Three of the four expect more from him. Ellen, however, told Lee that she couldn't have been prouder unless she birthed him herself. Now I'm wondering if Lee had that goatee when he was born? I imagine that really hurt coming out of the birth canal.
8:10 Anyone else distracted by the strings of saliva in his mouth? They look like rubber bands people have on their braces.
8:09 Lee DeWyze is reprising "The Boxer" from "Inspirational Week." This time it has more orchestration. He sounds on key. It's a Christmas miracle!
8:08 We're learning that Lee DeWyze wanted to be a baseball player when he was 4 years old. DO NOT VOTE FOR HIM HE HAS NOT WANTED TO BE A SINGER SINCE THE WOMB BOOOOOO! (I'm totally kidding, DeWyze fans.)
8:07 Seacrest looks extra orange tonight. Thoughts?
8:04 Seacrest tells us we have 3 rounds of songs to "enjoy" tonight. A contestant's choice, a choice by Simon Fuller (please be a Spice Girls song!) and a "winning single" song, which will definitely contain lyrics about ponies and adversity.
8:03 Crystal and Lee are introduced and they walk through the crowd. Except Crystal doesn't know that she's supposed to keep on going up on stage and stops at some bald dude. Anyone who doubted Crystal's "I never watched 'Idol' before" proclamation can doubt no more. Girl is more awkward on camera than one of those audio geeks who win the Best Sound Mixing Oscar.
8:00 And so it begins!! There's a very fancy supertease opening the show that features highlights from Lee and Crystal's journey, cut with extreme close-ups of their faces. Lee DeWyze is shinier than Whitney Houston during an encore. I wonder if that means he'll wear a visor tonight.
7:57 It's a big ol' family reunion for us "Idol" bloggers. I'm sitting next to Lyndsey Parker of Yahoo! Music, behind Shirley Halperin of the LA Times, and Richard Rushfield just came in and bragged that he has better seats inside the house than Jason Castro. What a jerk! (Kidding, Richard. But seriously, give Castro your tix! That's not cool!)
7:55 Overheard in the press room: "Is it too late to use the Judge's Save on Siobhan?" I think it might be Siobhan wearing Tyra talk show "I'm gonna dress up like a fat white man today" makeup.
7:53 The press room is half-empty. Last year people were fighting for seats. Thanks for breaking the show, Adam Lambert and Kris Allen! When this dog and pony show gets canceled, I expect you to hire me as part of your entourage. I got mortgage payments, Kradam! Help a brotha out!
7:49 While we wait for the big show to start, why not catch up with my "American Idol in 60 Seconds" recaps, or read my list of the 10 best performances of the season?
7:48 I'm in the press-room, which is located below a garage of the Nokia Theater in Downtown Los Angeles. There's no cell reception. I only spy one exit. God forbid there's a fire, tell my wife that I love her. And tell my cats "meeeeooow." They'll know what that means.
What did you think of the performances tonight? Are you outraged that Lee got saddled with a U2 superhit as his first single? What do you think of Crystal's new-found fire? And what do you wish Simon's final "Idol" critique was? (I wanted a zinger. Alas, we got heartfelt "Holding A Puppy" Cowell.)
Leave a comment below and remember to join me at MTV.COM tomorrow for our "Idol" finale red carpet live-stream! Follow me on Twitter @jambajim to be the first ones to get the link tomorrow.