In case you've been lost in the wilderness for the last 24 hours (or are legally prohibited from using a computer), you've missed a whole lot of Kanye West-related activity. Not only did he join Twitter, but he embarked on a whirlwind tour of corporate conference rooms, performing a capella renditions of songs from his new album to audiences of awestruck employees at Facebook and Twitter (dude, Twitter memberships are free — you don't have to earn them).
Anyway, his rather unique promotional run grabbed headlines around the world, and it got us thinking: Why should he stop there? There are millions of businesses in the U.S., and their employees deserve an impromptu Kanye performance, too. So we decided to play tour manager and map out an itinerary for him. Because really, arena tours are sort of passé. When you play offices, you can at least be assured they have snack machines in the break room. Here's the tentative list of shows for Kanye's Corporate Tour 2010.
IBM Headquarters, Armonk, New York
Why shouldn't Big Blue employees get some Kanye love, too? Sure, they might not be the coolest tech company on the planet, but they're certainly one of the largest. And Yeezy only does things big. As a bonus, we hear Armonk is lovely this time of year.
The Ball Pit of the Chuck E. Cheese's In Paramus, New Jersey
This is a win/win, because not only can he employ the services of Chuck E. and his animatronic band (not to be confused with the Rock-A-Fire Explosion, for legal reasons), but who knows what Kanye will find buried beneath all the balls? Also, he can trade in the tickets he won at Skee-Ball for some glow-in-the-dark bracelets!
A Jiffy Lube In Elkhart, Indiana
Not only is the coffee here great, but after he's done performing, Kanye can get a Signature Service Oil Change. The only problem? It might be tough for employees to hear his a capellas over all the pneumatic tools.
Radio Shack Store #01-8646, Laramie, Wyoming
Ask for Geoff. That dude is the best.
POM Wonderful Headquarters
If only so Kanye can jump up on stage and interrupt Vice President of Clinical Development Brad Gillespie's quarterly report by shouting "Brad, I'mma let you finish, but Lakewood Organic is the best pomegranate juice of all time."
The Offices of Sterling, Cooper, Draper & Pryce
Pro: Kanye's already dressed for the occasion. Con: There is no table for him to stand on.