By Eric Ditzian
All morning here in the MTV Newsroom, we've been trying to get a handle on the pants-pooping awesomeness of Thursday night's (July 29) "Jersey Shore" season two premiere, which brought Snooki, the Situation, JWoww and the rest back into our lives for another round of shows. We've been studying recaps, analyzing the impact of Miami heat on Jersey-born G.T.L. magic and debating the merits of "Single Ronnie" versus "Relationship Ronnie."
Yet we still can't quite figure out how to comprehend the sight, as Snooki might put it, of seven kids storming like a tanned-and-gelled tornado through Miami Beach. Which is why we tried another approach: Turning to the language of the "Shore" crew in an attempt to get inside their heads. (If you recall, we previously tried to parse out the wisdom of the cast through dramatic readings by teen actors, professional wrestlers and hand puppets.) With the help of a little bit of statistical analysis and a lot of free time to figure out just how PowerPoint is supposed to work, we present to you "Jersey Shore" by the numbers, a mathematical assessment of the crew's favorite words, phrases, trends and wholly inaccurate historical references that made last night's episode so astonishingly transcendent.
What was your favorite moment from the season two premiere of MTV's "Jersey Shore"? What was your favorite quote? Let us know your thoughts in the comments or tweet us @mtvnews!