Will Kid Rock’s ‘Born Free’ Be Anything Like M.I.A.’s ‘Born Free’?

On Monday (August 30), Kid Rock announced that his upcoming album will be called Born Free, and that it will be hitting stores on November 16. In keeping with the decidedly blue-collar path he cut with his 2007 comeback disc Rock N Roll Jesus, Kid won’t be rapping on the new album (so says an accompanying press release), instead drawing inspiration from “American classic rock.” Bob Seger, Sheryl Crow, Zac Brown and Trace Adkins are all confirmed to appear on the album, not to mention T.I. and Martina McBride, who — in a decidedly WTF twist — both appear on a track called “Care.”

The first single off Born Free is, appropriately enough, the title track, which hits radio on September 14. While we’re totally pumped to hear it (our flags are already unfurled), we’d be remiss if we didn’t point out the fact that M.I.A. already released a song called “Born Free” earlier this year, and — thanks to the accompanying video’s rather virtuoso use of violence — it created quite a stir.

And while we’re (pretty) sure the similarities aren’t intentional, that didn’t stop us from thinking about the video Kid Rock will undoubtedly release for his take on “Born Free” and how it will differ from M.I.A.’s version. We thought so much about it, in fact, that we decided to throw together a list. Here’s all the (presumptive) ways “Born Free” will differ from, well, “Born Free.”

» Nameless troops shall not gather up terrified redheads for slaughter, but rather, scour the city for buxom blondes, who will all be whisked away to Cabo for a totally awesome weekend sponsored by American Badass Lager.

» Bizarre cameo by former Detroit Tigers great “Sweet Lou” Whitaker.

» American-flag wearing stormtroopers replaced with Barack Obama’s super-secret Socialist Squad.

» Shot entirely on location in downtown Detroit, which just has that natural, bombed-out aesthetic.

» Uncle Kracker promises to be on his best behavior this time around.

» When prisoners are vaporized by landmines, they do so in red, white and blue clouds of mist, like at a totally sweet Fourth of July celebration.

» Charlie Daniels somehow involved.

» Is not a scathing indictment on U.S. policy both at home and abroad, but rather, just another excuse for Kid Rock to get wasted, throw his middle fingers in the air and pour beer all over some boat-show model’s ample chest. (Which sort of makes it an apt metaphor for the entire Bush presidency, if you think about it.)