‘Jersey Shore’ By The Numbers: Sammi And Ronnie Explode, The Situation Eats

The most recent episode of “Jersey Shore” has made us downright philosophical about the connection between language and memory. The simple fact is that our lovable GTL-ers have the memories of goldfish, and the words and phrases spouting from their mouths are correspondingly detached from reality.

How else to explain that Sammi was consumed with finding the author of an anonymous note about Ronnie’s infidelities (“Who wrote the note?!”), yet she had no problem giving him adoring smooches and sharing his bed at night? How else to explain that Angelina could talk s— behind JWoww’s back one minute and then pretend she was doing no such thing the next (“I didn’t talk s—!”)? How else to explain pretty much everything the Situation managed to pull off, from keeping an eager girl in his room while he housed some grub to grinding with a club-goer who everyone else decided was a transvestite (“If you have to think about it…”)?

But then again, as we have learned throughout our “Jersey Shore by the Numbers” experiment, the connection between behavior and language is not always as seamless as we might expect. In other words, these reality stars are unpredictable. Or in yet other words, they’re predictably unpredictable.

Did you really think Snooki and Vinny would do some late-night bumping-and-grinding? Or that Pauly and Angelina would suck a little face? Did you think Sammi would be more upset about who wrote that note than with what Ronnie had actually done to those buxom, Jello shot-serving waitresses? Did you think Snooki and JWoww would actually be able to both survive a trip to the grocery store and cook a meal that didn’t have their roomies running for the bathroom (where, according to Snooki, people go to dance)?

That’s the “Jersey Shore” for ya, and we can’t get enough. Enjoy our latest edition of “Jersey Shore by the Numbers.”