Surely following the hoary example of MTV News’ “Jersey Shore by the Numbers,” Snooki conducted her own list-based language assessment on Thursday night’s episode. Now we know what that little bundle of poof-haired joy wants, and doesn’t want, in a guy: yes to juiceheads, fist-pumpers and romantical dorks; no to party poopers, fame whores, and smelly people.
Snickers is one smart cookie: she realizes that the only way to understand “Jersey Shore”-style craziness is to put everything into print — hopes, dreams, actions and reactions — and study hard.
We’ve been studying damn hard since the first episode of the season, though, and we’re still a little stumped. Who knew a guy could pick out pre-sex pajamas for his new date before they even go out for the evening? Apparently, the Situation did, and his Canadian gal pal was totally psyched, vowing to make the PJs “look hot.”
Nor did we suspect Angelina would really leave the house…a second time…in a thunderstorm of punches, accusations of fakery, and an actual suitcase rather than those memorable trash bags from last season. Yes, for all of the Situation’s international tomfoolery and Snooki’s odes to all things juiceheaded and gorilla-rific, this episode was all about departures.
Angelina’s friend left, JWoww’s boyfriend left, and then Angelina left. No one was upset to see the tampon-dropping terror quit once again. She started off fighting with Sitch and went a full three rounds with a pink pantie-wearing Snooki. None of this was a pretty sight, and now Angelina is no more.
Let’s pour one out for one of Staten Island’s finest, as we dedicate this week’s “Jersey Shore by the Numbers” to the foul-mouthed honor of our dearly departed castmember.