Madonna To Open Gyms, With Car Dealerships On The Way

Madonna has made a career out exploring new trends, steadily evolving her sound and branching out in any direction that interests her. And that’s not just focused on music either, as she has explored the different facets of the worlds of film, fashion and now physical fitness. Madonna will be opening a series of gyms with the name “Hard Candy” (a moniker they share with Madge’s 2008 album) in various cities around the world (Mexico City will get the first one, set to open in November).

While Madonna isn’t as advanced as the likes of Kiss in the marketing and diversification department, she can easily catch up with the following ideas.

The Madonna Network
If Oprah Winfrey can have her own home on cable and there is one network focused entirely on knitting, then Madonna can certainly fill a broadcast day. There could be a fashion show hosted by Lourdes, documentary programming about Malawi and daily screenings of “Desperately Seeking Susan.” Plus, she has so many music videos that she could probably fill most days with nothing but stuff from Bedtime Stories.

“Hard Candy” Hard Candy
How is this not already a product? Madonna’s treats could replace Werther’s Original!

Madonna Mitsubishi
A lot of professional athletes end up spending their retirement owning car dealerships (John Elway has made quite a life for himself in this capacity), so why can’t Madonna attach her moniker to a line of high quality used cars and trucks? Come on down to Madonna Mitsubishi for the latest deals on all your favorite models, fair trade-ins, quality service and free hot dogs for the kids. She could even hire Eugene Hutz as a salesman!

Madonna Fight Club
Since mixed martial arts is one of the fastest growing sports in the world, Madonna should really think about establishing her own dojo (especially considering she wore that championship belt on the cover of Hard Candy). Her school would specialize in training women for combat sports (perhaps she could recruit Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos as a trainer or a spokesperson), and at the very least could provide a reasonable clothing alternative to all those lame Affliction shirts.

Material Girl Material
Because the producers of “Project Runway” are probably sick of going to Mood for all that jersey.