What up, Professor Snooki! Last night on what is obviously becoming the greatest season of “Jersey Shore” yet, when she wasn’t busy crashing a tricycle or passing out on a poodle’s bed, Snickers urged viewers to devote themselves to learning. We, who have been studying the hit show since last year with our “By The Numbers” charts, applaud her efforts.
See, Snooki declared last night that she won’t go in the ocean. Why? Because it’s salty. Why? Because of whale sperm. And, she challenged, if you don’t believe her, Google it. And you did. “Why is the ocean salty” became a trending topic on the search site, at the very least proving Snooki’s influence extends beyond matters of poofs and kookas.
While Snooki’s oceanographic investigations represented new thematic territory for “Jersey Shore,” we can’t say the same for the drama between Sammi and Ronnie. As happened so many times before, these angst-filled lovebirds went at each other with the fury of 1,000 prior disgraces. This time around, a dirty kitchen led to an awkward dinner, which left Ron stone-faced and Sam whiny. Their (supposedly final) breakup went something like this: “I’m done!” “We’re done?” “We’re done, we’re done, we’re done!” “We’re done?” “I’m done!”
Somehow we doubt that. We doubt, too, that a little anal bleeding will stop Ron Ron from guzzling shots, that Pauly D was thinking straight when he invited his stalker back to the house, that Deena ever intended to withhold her “golden ticket” from a dude she met at a club. But one thing we don’t doubt? It’s time for another edition of “Jersey Shore by the Numbers.”