The Situation already has a workout DVD, a protein-infused vodka, and line of T-shirts and accessories called Dilligaf Couture by the Sitch. After last night’s episode of “Jersey Shore,” perhaps a book of relationship advice should be in the works. Because while comforting Ronnie following the post-brawl departure of Sammi, Sitch laid out the 11 rules for getting over a breakup.
1. It’s good to cry, dog.
2. Think about what’s going on in your life.
3. Walk around. Do something.
4. Do you, take care of you.
5. Go to the gym.
6. Listen to music.
7. Vibe out.
8. Remember that life goes on, time keeps ticking and if you don’t keep going, you get left behind.
9. Never forget that if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be, that life’s not cookie-cutter, and that the Situation would rather die standing than live on his knees.
10. Put on a little Michael Bolton.
11. A little fetal-position action, you’ll be OK.
Or not. As Ron Ron pointed out, listening to the Situation dole out relationship advice is like talking to a sailor about flying a plane. But hey, Sitch was just trying to make the best of a crappy state of affairs — much like the rest of the crew, who found themselves consumed with the particulars of poop: Deena couldn’t go, Snooki needed to but Ron was in the john crying, and Vinny had to hold it while attempting to unclog the toilet. Oh, and there were soiled panties everywhere.
It was just that kind of episode. And the “Jersey Shore” kids attempted to make the best of it. They played pranks on one another, apparently didn’t laugh when Sitch got his eyebrows waxed, and did their best to support Ron as he finally showed some genuine (though too-little-too-late) remorse. Ron, your heart might be in the right place, but flowers and chocolate aren’t gonna mend Sammi’s broken soul. Don’t believe us? Follow along this week’s “Jersey Shore by the Numbers” and see for yourself.