‘The Celebrity Apprentice’ Recap: Lisa Rinna Crumbles

This is the 14th season of “The Apprentice,” which means that by now everybody who has ever had any sort of contact with the show should know a few simple rules. First, if you’re the project manager and you lose, you’re probably getting fired. Second, if you don’t stand up for yourself when you’re being attacked in the board room, you’re probably getting fired. Third, if you’re going up against a contestant who clearly makes for more interesting television than you do, you’re probably getting fired. All that knowledge is out there, and yet Lisa Rinna still walked into a buzzsaw on Sunday night’s (March 13) episode of “The Celebrity Apprentice.” After her team lost, Rinna was put on the chopping block against Dionne Warwick and Star Jones in the boardroom, which was essentially a bloodbath that left Rinna dragging her carcass back into that elevator with the helpful attendant. (On a side note: Is that guy hired just for this show, or is that his actual job?)

So how did Rinna end up being the second star eliminated this season? The two teams were charged with creating a children’s book, and Rinna ended up getting drafted into being project manager (perhaps Jones and the rest of the ladies of A.S.A.P. knew this task was doomed from the start). The female team seemed to fall apart almost immediately, as they could not decide what the topic of the book should be (Marlee Matlin wanted to do a story about deafness, but for some reason Warwick wasn’t having it). They sort of circled the drain from there.

Meanwhile, all the men of Backbone had to do was not light a group of children on fire and they would win this one walking away. They chose Meat Loaf as their project manager, and though he seemed flustered for the bulk of the broadcast, there wasn’t much drama outside of Jose Canseco’s desperate attempts to rhyme in the children’s book (he seemed vaguely put out that people didn’t think of him as creative). Ultimately, putting Canseco in drag for a performance of the book was probably the thing that gave Backbone the victory at the end.

The best moment of the night came during the first boardroom, which saw A.S.A.P. break down in a tornado of cattiness. Somewhere along the way, Matlin’s disagreement with Warwick came up, and Matlin mentioned that she respected Warwick because “people tell me she is a legend.” Trump seemed vaguely outraged that Matlin didn’t know for a fact that Warwick was “a legend,” to which Matlin had to declare, “Well, I’m deaf.” Welcome to “The Celebrity Apprentice,” where logic sounds absurd.

Also, in case anybody forgot: Star Jones is a lawyer.

So Rinna received her walking papers, which means that the two teams are once again at even strength. Next week’s show seems to revolve around camping equipment and Gary Busey as a project manager, which should make for some delightful madness.

Who would you have fired on “The Celebrity Apprentice”? Let us know in the comments!