Helping Michele Bachmann Find A Campaign Song

Open-minded political figure Michele Bachmann, she of gay people being “part of Satan” and Medicaid being a form of socialism (despite her husband’s acceptance of $137,000 of it!) fame, is ruffling the feathers of yet another musician. This time around, it’s Tom Petty, whose management sent Bachmann’s campaign a cease-and-desist letter to halt their use of his song, “American Girl.”

This is the second time in two weeks that Bachmann’s camp has been asked to not use a song on the campaign trail. The Tea Party wonder entered the conservative RightOnline conference in Minneapolis, Minn., to Katy Perry’s “Firework” on June 18, prompting a big WTF from journos confused why the fervently anti-gay pol settled on one of the most mainstream pro-tolerance anthems in recent memory.

Now she’s harshing Petty’s buzz. The Minnesota rep played “American Girl” in Waterloo, Iowa, on Monday when she officially kicked off her presidential campaign and again following a speech in South Carolina last night. Not cool, Bachmann!

In light of her campaign’s inability to comprehend that almost no one wants to be associated with her politics, we have a few suggestions for Bachmann’s camp to find that perfect anthem.

Start By Sticking To Known Republicans

Michele Bachmann’s politics are considered pretty extreme even among conservatives, so a logical starting place in finding a song that is going to stick is to first eliminate all democrats from the list of contenders. No one who identifies as left-of-center wants anything to do with Bachmann. While we’re sure she loves Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the U.S.A.” as much as Ronald Reagan did, the Boss, who publicly supported Bachmann’s arch nemesis Barak Obama during his successful campaign for the presidency, just isn’t going to sit back quietly while she misappropriates his song’s complex narrative about war and the trials of the middle class as blind patriotism and anti-immigration rhetoric.

We know Bachman will be confused by this rule, especially when she finds out that many of the singers associated with representing the American middle class, including Springsteen, John Mellencamp and Petty, are liberals. How can this be, she’ll ask, because we all know there’s no such thing as a liberal patriot.

Anyway, Ted Nugent, Kid Rock, who is really more of a moderate but is vocal in his support of the Republican party, and Arkansas state rep. Jon Woods (who’s in a band, man) probably wouldn’t be as miffed as Perry or Petty if she used one of their tunes.

Maybe Avoid Gay Anthems

Although it pales in comparison to her John Wayne Gacy gaffe, Bachmann’s use of Perry’s “Firework” at a conservative rally looked pretty silly. The song isn’t exactly subtle in its message; it wears its rainbow flag on its sleeve. (Look, those two boys in the video are kissing!) Did she even bother to listen to it beforehand?

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Bachmann is easily one of the most mainstream anti-gay politicians in America. She believes legalized gay marriage will result in the indoctrination of homosexuality in children (because that’s how it works, duh!), and lead the charge to pass a constitutional amendment in Minnesota, which she represents in the U.S. Congress, banning gay marriage. Bachmann has said teaching children that being gay is OK is akin to child abuse and that being gay is “part of Satan.” She also said, “If you’re involved in the gay and lesbian lifestyle, it’s bondage. It is personal bondage, personal despair and personal enslavement.”

So yeah, maybe she shouldn’t go with “Born This Way” at her next Tea Party rally. Just sayin.’