In news that either signifies the first phase of the DONDA world-domination plan or is a complete fabrication (since it was first “reported” by England’s the Sun), Kanye West supposedly met with the developers of the ultra-addictive “Angry Birds” app earlier this month in London, where, according to a source, “they brainstormed ideas and talked about ways they could work together.”
Obviously, this development is huge for anyone who enjoys both avoiding human interaction in all forms and limited-edition scarves, and while we can’t vouch for the validity of the story (a spokesperson for West could not be reached for comment), the possibilities of a team-up between the rapper and Rovio already have our brains swirling. When it comes to Kanye-centric apps, the sky truly is the limit.
So, while we wait for any type of official confirmation on the collaboration — our download fingers are already quivering with anticipation — we’ve created a wish list of potential apps, all of which are not only Kanye ready, but waay better than that stupid “Plants v. Zombies” game. Play on, player.
» “Angry Kanyes”: Use your slingshot to launch mini Wests at various structures, taking out green pigs, nefarious journalists, unscrupulous award-show producers, angry exes and various members of the shadowy international cabal Kanye seems convinced are out to destroy him in the process.
» “Westamatic”: Automatically makes any photo look old, recalling a simpler time when no one had heard 808s & Heartbreak and still didn’t know the correct pronunciation of Kanye’s first name.
» “Yelp”: Allows the user to write angry, ALL-CAPS missives about various establishments, perceived wrongdoings, and all manner of misappropriations. As a bonus feature, app automatically adds deliberate misspellings, additional exclamation points, bizarre asides, conspiracy theories and the occasional grammatical error. Also known as Kanye’s old UniverseCity blog.
» “iSarcophagus”: Puts that p—y in a sarcophagus.
» “AroundYe”: Easily locates any restaurant, ATM, supermodel or Riccardo Tisci in your immediate vicinity.
» “MyHAHN”: Replicates that weird guttural yelp Kanye’s been doing for a while now.
» “N—-s in Paris”: Just repeatedly plays the song, kind of like Jay and Kanye did on the Watch The Throne tour.