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'Jersey Shore' In Italy: Our Hopes And Dreams For Season Four

Posted 8/4/11 8:58 am EST by in Jersey Shore, Television

To the profound events in the history of Italy (the construction of the Colosseum, the Black Death), we must now add two simple words: “Jersey Shore."

The Situation, Snooki and their pals journeyed to Europe's only footwear-shaped country earlier this year, and now the fist-pumping, fight-having fruits of their labor will hit the small screen when the newest season of the reality show kicks off on Thursday (August 4) at 10 PM ET. Italy, we're quite sure, will never be the same.

What will go down when Seaside Heights goes buck wild in the land that gave rise to Romeo, Juliet and Vito Corleone? Here are our five "Jersey Shore" hopes and dreams. Read More...

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'American Idol' Poll Results: Voters Hate On The 'Crazy' Top Three

Posted 5/18/11 11:45 am EST by in American Idol, Television

Was it a conspiracy? The result of a once down-on-her-luck singer peaking at the right time? Do all the "usual morons out there in Twitterland," as exec producer Nigel Lythgoe put it to us, just need to shut their traps and accept reality?

There are many ways of looking at the results of last week's "American Idol" elimination show, when James Durbin was shockingly ousted, but one thing is clear: people have strong opinions about what went down on the hit reality show. That's why we put the question to you in an "Idol" poll: after all the less-than-illuminating judges' commentaries and a string of surprising eliminations— Goodbye, Pia! See ya later, Casey! — did the voters actually end up selecting the correct top three? Or is a final three comprised of Scotty McCreery, Lauren Alaina and Haley Reinhart nothing short of an "Idol" tragedy?


Almost fifty-percent of poll respondents agree with the tragic explanation, declaring that the top three is a joke. Just over thirty-percent, meanwhile, say they support some members of the top three but that not everyone belongs. And only about 22-percent believe voters picked the most deserving singers.

"The top four have put up a fantastic show and all are equally good," said one commenter. "In fact, this year's top 10 contestants are unique in their own ways and [this] is the best seasons by far."

Other voters were far less charitable. Some pointed to Durbin's high Twitter and Facebook follower counts and suggested either "Idol" or AT&T are involved in some sort of voter-suppression conspiracy. "James should of never been voted off. Hailey should of been off. I'm not sure what's up but it doesn't make any sense. James was too good," wrote one commenter. "James, Scotty and Lauren should be in it. They have talent."

So what's going to go down on Wednesday's show, when the top three — love 'em or hate 'em — take the stage? And, almost as importantly, are we going to be celebrating or raging against the next night's elimination results? Whatever the case, be sure to tune into MTV News' "Idol Party Live" on Thursday (May 19) at 12 p.m. ET to discuss the craziness with our own Idol expert, Jim Cantiello.

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'American Idol' Top Three: Did Voters Get It Right?

Posted 5/13/11 11:10 am EST by in Poll, Television

"American Idol" viewers have had a lot to grumble about this season. There have been shocking eliminations (Pia Toscano, Casey Abrams and, last night, James Durbin), judges with transparent biases and imbalanced critical stances, and obscure theme nights — Carole King? Leiber and Stoller? — that left many wondering if the producers were elitist or just lazy.

Yet for all these complaints, we now have a top three arguably comprised of the strongest contestants: Scotty McCreery, Lauren Alaina and Haley Reinhart. Which is to say that despite singers possibly exiting too early, judges who rarely served as expert guides for the audience, and random musical themes that could easily have become yawn-inducing, "Idol" voters might actually have gotten it right this time around.


Of course, not everyone agrees. One look at our "Idol" elimination story from last night shows how angry Durbin's fans are about his ouster. "Now that James is gone I'm done with 'American Idol,' no need to watch it anymore," wrote one typical Durbin-ite. So too do people continue to rage that Casey, Pia and others are no longer part of the competition. "When Casey left, I was outraged," said another commenter. "He was so unique, and such an awesome talent — which is why they spent their only save on him."

So clearly not everyone is on the same page. That's why we're putting the question to you in our "Idol" poll: Do Scotty, Lauren and Haley constitute the correct top three? Did "American Idol" voters get it right?

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'Jersey Shore' By The Numbers: Goodbye Seaside, Hello Italy

Posted 3/25/11 1:00 pm EST by in Television

In lieu of hiring an army of interns to keep a running tally of every f-bomb and Jagerbomb on this season of "Jersey Shore," every time Sammi and Ronnie smushed and broke up and then smushed again, every tub of gel Pauly rubbed into his 'do, every moment Snooki shared intimate details of her kooka — instead of compiling these epic reality show stats (and because, hey, even we're not that mean to our interns), MTV News has been conducting a season-long investigation we call "Jersey Shore by the Numbers."

Low budget in its presentation, utterly arbitrary in the words and phrases we choose to highlight, the graphs have nonetheless managed to give us insight into the cast's rather unique way of thinking. And even if they haven't, it's been a pretty fun ride.

Except when it hasn't. On Thursday's (March 24) season finale, Ron and Sam were once again at each other's throats, having arguments that went something like: "I love you!" "I hate you!" "I'm done!" "But I love you even though you're a total bitch who I hope dies a fiery death. Call me!" Vinny and Deena joined in the verbal sparring as well, as a result of D's attempts to prevent Vin from hooking up (who is she, Angelina?).

But about that fun! Snooki certainly had some, in her own strange way, after wrangling a dude into coming home for a boom-boom. "Whiskey d--k is definitely the best sex," she explained. "It's when a guy can have sex for five hours because he's so drunk." Romance!

Perhaps in the end, PowerPoint graphs or not, army of dedicated interns or not, there remains something elusive and unknowable about "Jersey Shore." And on that note, we'll leave you with a few words that may or may not correspond to the English language but which neatly sum up everything that can be said about the show. Takes it away, Snooks: "Get it all out, freaking do everything that you can, have sex with an old man, steal a plant and then get arrested and then do whatever."

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'Jersey Shore' Stars Practice Their Italian Before Season Four

Posted 3/25/11 11:00 am EST by in Television

"Jersey Shore" star Vinny follows a few simple steps when getting ready for a new season of his hit reality show. "Trying to get in shape, trying to spend some time with my family, chill out, the quiet before the storm," he told us recently.

Now that the cast is headed to Italy for the first time, Vin isn't planning on changing that tried-and-true formula. "I'm excited to be thrown right into the water with whatever language skills I have," he laughed.

Vin is actually conversant in Italian, but we can't say the same for the rest of his roomies. That's why we recently gave the stars of "Jersey Shore" a little foreign language lesson. Because how else are they going to survive along the canals of Venice and the cobblestone streets of Florence?

Yep, in the name of public service, we informed everyone that the translation for grenade whistle is "fishio di granata."

"We need that!" declared Pauly.

He's definitely going to need to know how to say gym, tan, laundry. We just hope he remembers it's "palestra, lavenderia, tintarella."

And if the kids plan on having a crazy — and safe! — night out, they'd best memorize the translation for "cabs are here": "i taxi sono qui."

When the cabs do arrive to take everyone out to the clubs, Snooki and her gal pals will want to know how to say gorilla juice-head. Once again, we were there to supply them with the answer: "succo capo gorilla."

The cast seemed to take to the tutorial very well — now let's see what happens when the touch down overseas. "This is exciting, I like Italian," Sammi said.

"Me too," added Deeana. "It's, like, yummy."


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'Jersey Shore' By The Numbers: I'm Kind Of Eww About Her

Posted 3/18/11 11:31 am EST by in Television

Defying the laws of space, time and rational thought on Thursday's (March 17) episode of "Jersey Shore," Ronnie and Sammi managed to squeeze an entire relationship into the span of few hours. They made up, got cuddly, proceeded upstairs to smush, then began arguing, and not soon after broke up for what Sam more or less accurately described as the "40th million time."

At issue was the dude Sammi hit up to meet up at a Seaside Heights club and how the Situation has an uncanny ability to insert himself into other people's bidness. For a second week in a row, Sitch did his best to set Ron against his gal, then sat back and watched the dramz unfold, speaking up here and there with a well-timed, if grammatically hobbled, bit of smack talk ("You are the worst argument person ever," he told Sam at one point). In the end, it worked, and the most annoying couple on reality TV were no more (at least for now), as Ron declared, "I'm kind of eww about her."

That's exactly how the roomies felt about Ron's mom, who, in one of the sadder moments in the show's history, repeatedly drunk-dialed the house, demanding to talk to her son and eagerly bad-mouthing Sam. But things weren't entirely gloomy in Seaside this week. Vinny welcomed some bling into his life when he got his ears pierced, which had him swaggering all over town and initiating a rap battle. His faux-diamond studs weren't the only puzzling fashion choice we witnessed. Deena sheathed herself in denim before hitting a club, despite Pauly's sing-song mockery set to some "Super Mario Brothers" music: "denim, denim, denim."

Fun times! But, we fear, they're not going to last for long. Like Pauly's Israeli stalker, drama between Sam and Ron is bound to pop up again soon. And about that prospect, we feel pretty much how Pauly does about his stalker: "Danielle is the only thing that scares me in Seaside."

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'Jersey Shore' By The Numbers: Cheesy Pranks, Crying Chicks

Posted 3/4/11 11:30 am EST by in Television

There was a whole lotta confusion going on during "Jersey Shore" on Thursday night (March 3).

Ronnie spent the previous episode weeping over the departure of Sammi, only to declare when she returned this week that he didn't want her in the house ("I was just starting to find myself," he said). Vinny, meanwhile, couldn't quite understand how Snooki could sleep with half the dudes in Seaside Heights, then give Vin crap for bringing home a DTF lady. And everyone seemed to become disconnected from the English language (not that they were ever so solidly connected before): the Situation complained that a stinky toilet was "permenating" the house, Ron laughed about a prank involving a "schmorgesboard" of food items, and Deena coined the term "hatastic," which apparently means "you're, like, super happy and, like, really ecstatic."

We'll add those three words to our "Jersey Shore" dictionary, as we continue our season-long investigation into the cast's peculiar relationship to the spoken word — a little exercise we like to call "Jersey Shore by the Numbers."

To go by this week's chart, the episode was all about a few key things. In an escalating prank war, Sammi and friends upped the ante, dousing Sitch's bed with cheese, leading him to assume his hookup had, um, a certain hygiene issue. Snooki (drunk, nonsensical, deserving of our compassion), blew a few tear ducts after Vinny bedded an anonymous club babe; she didn't remember the meltdown in the morning, though she did have a heart-to-heart with JWoww ("Like, you like like him?" Jenni wondered).

Yet the moment that continues to haunt us cannot be marked on a chart. It concerns the ongoing evidence that Deena has the lowest self-esteem of anyone currently on reality TV. Last week she collapsed in drunken tears after someone called her a slopopotamus. This week, apropos of absolutely nothing before heading out to the club, Deena asked her roommates, "Do I look embarrassing?"

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'Jersey Shore' By The Numbers: Bros, Cuddles And Times Square

Posted 2/25/11 11:30 am EST by in Television

Language, like expensive watches and male pattern baldness, is passed down from generation to generation. After Thursday night's (February 24) episode of "Jersey Shore," we finally know why Ronnie seemingly begins and ends every sentence with "bro": his dad!

Ron Ron Sr. (regardless of his actual first name, that's what we're gonna dub him) may not have cartoonish muscles and a twitchy sort of aggression like his son, but they do have in common a preference for "Yo bro"-ing this and "Listen bro"-ing that. Let's hope that after his dad's emergency visit to Seaside Heights to ease Ronnie's Sammi-induced heartbreak, the young reality star takes the advice to heart and expands his emotional vocabulary beyond painting Sam as a selfish nutjob.

Anything's possible! Snooki and Deena, for example, somehow didn't realize the Situation was pulling a prank and sending their cab to Times Square instead of a local Jersey hotspot. The trip to NYC takes about an hour and half; good looking out, ladies! And Pauly D managed to nail the problem with so much reality-show drama when he began faux-storming around the house and shouting, "Well, I'm mad at you for being mad at me!"

Well, maybe not anything's possible. Vinny still resisted Snooki's wish to smush, smash or otherwise get it in this season. The duo opted instead strictly for cuddling, not necessarily because Snooks had declared just hours before, after a one-night stand, "My vagina's killing me." That's what happens when you start palling around with half the dudes in Seaside, all of whom, it seems, are either cousins, or friends of cousins, or cousins of friends, or whatever.

It was an icky, sticky episode. And we haven't even talked about Vinny's ongoing battle with the un- uncloggable toilet. Hey, how about we don't go there? How about we push on with another edition of "Jersey Shore by the Numbers"?

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'Jersey Shore By The Numbers: It's Good To Cry, Dog

Posted 2/18/11 10:33 am EST by in Television

The Situation already has a workout DVD, a protein-infused vodka, and line of T-shirts and accessories called Dilligaf Couture by the Sitch. After last night's episode of "Jersey Shore," perhaps a book of relationship advice should be in the works. Because while comforting Ronnie following the post-brawl departure of Sammi, Sitch laid out the 11 rules for getting over a breakup.

1. It's good to cry, dog.
2. Think about what's going on in your life.
3. Walk around. Do something.
4. Do you, take care of you.
5. Go to the gym.
6. Listen to music.
7. Vibe out.
8. Remember that life goes on, time keeps ticking and if you don't keep going, you get left behind.
9. Never forget that if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, that life's not cookie-cutter, and that the Situation would rather die standing than live on his knees.
10. Put on a little Michael Bolton.
11. A little fetal-position action, you'll be OK.

Or not. As Ron Ron pointed out, listening to the Situation dole out relationship advice is like talking to a sailor about flying a plane. But hey, Sitch was just trying to make the best of a crappy state of affairs — much like the rest of the crew, who found themselves consumed with the particulars of poop: Deena couldn't go, Snooki needed to but Ron was in the john crying, and Vinny had to hold it while attempting to unclog the toilet. Oh, and there were soiled panties everywhere.

It was just that kind of episode. And the "Jersey Shore" kids attempted to make the best of it. They played pranks on one another, apparently didn't laugh when Sitch got his eyebrows waxed, and did their best to support Ron as he finally showed some genuine (though too-little-too-late) remorse. Ron, your heart might be in the right place, but flowers and chocolate aren't gonna mend Sammi's broken soul. Don't believe us? Follow along this week's "Jersey Shore by the Numbers" and see for yourself.

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'Jersey Shore' By The Numbers: I Hate You

Posted 2/11/11 11:30 am EST by in Television

"What'd I do?"

That's what Ronnie was wondering after he trashed Sammi's room, threatened to sleep with half the women in Seaside Heights, then trashed her room again. If Ron can't make the connection between action and consequence — if he's unclear why Sam had devolved into a sobbing puddle of emotional goo and hopped a cab outta Seaside Heights — we don't even know what to say.

Let's just knock back some Ron Ron juice and stumble through the madness that was last night's (Thursday, February 10) episode of "Jersey Shore." Children, cover your ears, because the string of insults Ron and Sam tossed each other's way is part Judd Apatow-comedy absurd, part horror-flick frightening. To wit: Sam accused Ron of being a sick pervert, a douchebag and a psycho, while Ron argued Sam was a dirt bag, a useless stupid bitch and a dog. And that was just during one stretch of the episode-long fight. It got ugly early and often. As the Situation asked at one point, after Ron went on a rant about girl code and guy code, "Where's general human code?"

Truth! And what's more, where are the rest of our "Jersey Shore" friends? Pauly D hardly showed his face at all this episode, his appearances largely reduced to shots of him cleaning his sneakers and laughing about how crazy it is that a relationship not his own is causing him so much stress. Pauly, we miss you dude, and can only hope that with Sam out of the house, our favorite reality show DJ will command a little more screen time. And hey, here's to hoping Sam will soon return to Seaside — stronger, single-er — and she won't fall for Ronnie's final line of the episode, "I miss her. I love her."

We'll pretend, bro, you didn't actually say that and instead proceed with another edition of "Jersey Shore by the Numbers."

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