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The Fake 2011 Coachella Poster Isn't Nearly Fake Enough

Posted 1/11/11 3:30 pm EST by in Music


On Monday (January 10), hip kids nationwide rejoiced when the first "official" (read: totally fake) Coachella lineup hit the Internet, an annual event which, for folks like us in the frigid Northeast, is on par with complaining about snow or growing a semi-ironic beard: You can set your watch to it.

This year's supposed Coachella lineup features headliners like Kanye West, Pulp (who, truth be told, probably will play the fest), Arcade Fire, Beastie Boys and Duran Duran, plus a bunch of smaller bands we're either marginally aware of (Warpaint) or have never heard of in our entire lives (io Echo), which is to say, it's actually a pretty convincing fake. But given the fact that this kind of thing happens every single year, not to mention the fact that, when we asked a spokesperson for Goldenvoice (Coachella's organizers), we were told "[There's] no word just yet on an official announcement," we're remaining skeptical.

But truth be told, being skeptical isn't that much fun. So, inspired by the annual kickoff of the "speculation season," we decided to create our own totally bogus Coachella lineup, partially because we just learned how to use Photoshop but also because our completely fabricated lineup holds just as much weight as the other completely fabricated one. Like George Costanza once said: "Remember ... it's not a lie if you believe it."

So here's a look at our totally fake Coachella 2011 lineup. If you ask us, it's a pretty stellar lineup, especially when you consider Hulk Hogan and the Wrestling Boot Band have never played a live show. Tickets go on sale February 1, with three-day passes running $1,000 (camping passes extra). Start saving now!

Who would you like to see at this year's Coachella? Let us know in the comments!

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Britney Spears' 'Hold It Against Me' Inspires Our Inner Pickup Artist

Posted 1/10/11 12:17 pm EST by in Music


On Monday (January 10) morning, Britney Spears officially began her campaign to reclaim the pop throne with the premiere of "Hold It Against Me", a swelling, swaggering club track that's just as loaded with rib-rattling electro whomp as it is, well, incredibly cheesy pickup lines.

It's as if, in her time away from the spotlight, Britney has spent an inordinate amount of time hanging out in singles bars (or perhaps taken a few lessons from Mystery), as evidenced by the last-call desperation of lines like "If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?" and "You feel like paradise, and I need a vacation tonight." And while wordplay isn't exactly new for Spears (who among us can forget the whole "If U Seek Amy" incident?), with "Hold It Against Me," she's taken the, uh, art form to new heights. Or lows. You know, whatever.

Anyway, the whole thing got us thinking: Why should Britney stop now? If she continues down this path, she can be a full-fledged member of the "seduction community" by the time her album drops. And so, to help her, we've come up with a list of other awful pickup lines that are just begging to be included in one of her upcoming singles. Read 'em and weep.

» "Do you know karate? Because your body is really kickin.'"

» "Do you clean your clothes with Windex? ... Because I see myself in your pants."

» "My wife is dead."

» "Is your dad a terrorist? Because you are the bomb."

» "Would you like Gin and Platonic or do you prefer Scotch and Sofa?"

» "Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock!"

» "I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party."

» "Check out my T-shirt, it says 'F.B.I. – Female Body Inspector!' Get it? What? No, I'm not actually a federal agent ... it's a shirt I got at Spencer's at the mall."

» "Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!"

» [Weeping.]

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John Lennon's 'Imagine': The Five Best Covers From The Past 10 Years

Posted 12/8/10 12:00 pm EST by in Music


Three decades ago today, John Lennon was shot to death outside his home in New York's Dakota building, and in the time since, the world has changed immeasurably ... and not necessarily for the better.

And while fans can endlessly debate how things would've been different had Lennon lived, the iconic musician's most lasting contribution to the planet is his music — songs of hope and ideals, protest and prosperity that still contain the power to make us strive for a better tomorrow. As a testament to this, one of his best-known compositions — "Imagine" — has (and seemingly ever will be) one of the most covered songs on the planet, having been sung by everyone from David Bowie to, well, Will Farrell and Manny Pacquiao.

Over the past decade, the covers have kept rolling in. Some of them miss the mark (and the true spirit) of Lennon's original, piling on the histrionics and ignoring the true sentiment of the song. Others have shone, mostly because they kept it simple and focused on feeling above all else. So, to mark the 30th anniversary of his death, here are some of the best covers of John Lennon's "Imagine," taken from the past 10 years.

Neil Young, 2001
Recorded live at the "America: A Tribute To Heroes" telethon, which raised nearly $200 million for the United Way's September 11th Fund, it features Young backed by a stirring string section, but what resonates most is the sentiment: it's fragile, earnest and above all hauntingly bare.

Eva Cassidy, 2002
Released six years after her death, it showcases Cassidy's jaw-dropping voice above all else, which is why it's such a great version of the song. Tender and heartbreakingly simple, it sadly remains — like most of her work — vastly overlooked.

A Perfect Circle, 2004
From their eMOTIVe album (a collection of politically-charged songs released to coincide with the 2004 election), Maynard James Keenan and Co. offer up a drastically different (and downright dark) take on the tune, and the end result is dizzyingly effective. Read More...

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Lady Gaga's Tour Rider: What She Should Really Request

Posted 10/7/10 1:30 pm EST by in Music


On Wednesday (October 6), gossip maven Bonnie Fuller's Hollywood Life made sorta waves when they published a list of "bizarre demands" supposedly taken from Lady Gaga's tour rider. Of course, we're a bit skeptical about the whole thing considering said tour rider isn't actually shown and said list of "bizarre demands" includes honey, an oxygen tank and — gasp! — a themed menu. Seriously, if any of those things are shocking, we hope Fuller's never seen Rihanna's tour rider, because otherwise she might have a stroke.

Regardless of whether or not the rider is actually real, whenever a big-name star's demands are made public, we are required by journalistic law to poke fun at them (no lie; in the last month alone, we've done it to Justin Bieber as well as both Eminem and Jay-Z), and we can't give Gaga a pass just because her demands may or may not actually be legit. We are professionals, after all.

So, in the interest of parity (and because we're sort of disappointed that Gaga only asked for honey, oxygen and burritos on Wednesday), we have come up with a list of 10 things that really should be on her tour rider (because, honestly, at this point LG can pretty much ask for anything).

» 40-50 pounds of skirt steak, to make that evening's stagewear and/or feed to pet tiger.

» One of the following Alejandros: Director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, singer Alejandro Sanz, former MLB pitcher Alejandro Pena, a member of the venue's cleaning staff named Alejandro.

» A four-star general to debate the intricacies of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

» One of those Can-Am three-wheeled motorcycles, because those things are awesome.

» Something fabulous.

» The members of Semi Precious Weapons, who were probably just hanging out at the venue anyway.

» Actual little monsters, like that troll in "Cat's Eye," an evil Leprechaun that Gremlin from the second movie who could talk like Tony Randall.

» Gold, to ingest.

» A nice pantsuit or a bejeweled three-quarter sleeve top, preferably from the Quacker Factory collection.

» Whatever Madonna asked for on her tour rider, only, you know, double.

What do you think Lady Gaga should have on her tour rider? Let us know in the comments!

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Will Weezer Take $10 Million To Break Up?

Posted 10/6/10 11:28 am EST by in Music


Look, it's no secret that Weezer have had a pretty rough decade ... after all, with each album they released in the 'aughts, they moved a little bit further away from their Blue/Pinkerton heyday, and a little bit closer to being the kind of band that puts Lil Wayne on songs about partying and names albums after ancillary characters from "Lost" (oh, wait, they already are that kind of band).

But even by the harshest of standards, this is a bit much.

They've now been offered $10 million to break up, by one angry music fan on a mission to save Weezer aficionados from "an abusive relationship" with the band.

"Every year, Rivers Cuomo swears that he’s changed, and that their new album is the best thing that he’s done since Pinkerton, and what happens? Another pile of crap like 'Beverly Hills' or 'I’m Your Daddy,'" James Burns, the man behind the campaign, writes on ThePoint.com, where he's currently accepting donations for his cause . "I am tired of my friends being disappointed year after year. I am tired of endless whimsical cutesy album covers and music videos. ... I beg you, Weezer, take our money and disappear."

Burns -- who admits he's never been a fan of Weezer -- figures that if all 852,000 fans who bought the band's Pinkerton album chip in $12, he'll make his $10 million goal. At the time of this writing, he's received exactly $182 in donations (though, it should be added that per The Point's rules, no one will actually have to pay until he reaches the $10 million mark).

As of press time, a rep for Weezer had not responded to MTV News' request for comment on the campaign. And while we'll try our best to remain objective on the matter ... well, c'mon guys, $10 million is a lot of scratch ...

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Kanye West's Dark Twisted Fantasy: 10 Way Better Titles

Posted 10/5/10 3:46 pm EST by in Music


As you probably know by now, on Tuesday (October 5), Kanye West took to his Twitter account to announce the title of his much-anticipated new album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (punctuation apparently optional). And while we're happy that we finally know what to call the thing -- and thankfully, it's not Good-Ass Job -- we'd be lying if we said we're happy with his decision. After all, not only is My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy sort of a mouthful, but it kind of sounds like something a melodramatic 15-year-old girl would write in her dream journal.

Frankly, Kanye, we know you can do better. In fact, you already have. For proof of this, we just dug through your rather prodigious tweet archive and came up with a list of 10 titles that are w-a-a-a-y better fits for your new album. And since it doesn't come out until November, there's still plenty of time to make the change. You don't even have to thank us, either ... just consider this a favor to you. What can we say, you've done enough for us already.

So here, for your perusal, are our 10 picks. They may not be dark (or particularly twisted), but they're definitely better.

»Life Is Pretty F—king Awesome
»No More Jeans
»hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahah aaand 140
»Yo Being Nice Is My Whole Sh-- Now
»Steve Bartels, Gabby Peluso, Tracey Waples!
»I Haven't Made My Best Work Yet
»I Make Awesome Decisions In Bike Stores!!
»Quincy Jones
»What's The Best Wu-Tang Album?
»I'm Sorry Taylor.

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Justin Bieber's Totally Boring Tour Rider: 10 Ways To Spice It Up

Posted 10/1/10 1:28 pm EST by in Music


Somewhat disappointingly, Justin Bieber's tour rider—which the folks at the Smoking Gun procured Thursday (September 30)—is a rather staid affair ... no steadfast requests for animal-print throw pillows or "late model" Maybachs, just a lot of white T-shirts and "one large package of Swedish Fish" (or, if in Canada, something called "Big Foots.")

Basically, it is perhaps the most boring rider of all time, which could be viewed as proof that Bieber hasn't let fame go to his head ... or that he just isn't very imaginative.

Because, seriously, JB, you are the biggest 'tween star on the planet. You are mobbed everywhere you go, you sell out arenas in minutes, you have tremendous hair and above-average basketball skills. There is a line of dolls made in your likeness. The world is your oyster, and your tour rider should really reflect that. Shoot, at least ask for oysters (and a shucker).

So, we decided to step in and help. Here's a list of appropriately insane demands that can elevate your next tour rider to superstar status. You can thank us later by barring us from the backstage area. It's what people in your position generally tend to do.

» 10,000 Susan B. Anthony coins, in a sack with a "$" printed on it.

» Kim Kardashian.

» If show takes place in a city with an NBA team, exactly one player from said team, who must get down on his knees and let Bieber dunk on him. In a pinch, a representative from city's WNBA franchise will suffice.

» A brand new BMX bike without training wheels, since Bieber is a big boy now.

» One tiger. Preferrably Bengal.

» A Nintendo with all the games.

» A golden calf, with which to blaspheme.

» A Smith & Wesson tactical rifle, to hunt the most dangerous prey of all: man.

» A barrel filled with Pop Rocks and Diet Coke, a mallet to smash the barrel, and 1,000 feet of drop cloth to shield Bieber and crew from resulting explosions (Note: drop cloth could be same one used in Gallagher show last month).

» A mom who will let Bieber stay up late, since Jayden Smith doesn't have to go to bed until 10 o'clock. Even on school nights.

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Lil X Changes His Name To 'Director X,' Though He Could Have Gone With 'Racer X'

Posted 9/24/10 1:30 pm EST by in Music


If you woke up this morning and felt like life as you had previously known it was somehow different, that the ground beneath your feet had undergone some slightly seismic shift and the air was heavy with the effervescent tingle of change, it wasn't because of some paranormal event (or the drugs). Rather, it was probably because Lil X decided to change his name.

Yes, X — who has directed high-profile videos for the likes of R. Kelly, Jay-Z and Rihanna — has announced (via a rather hyperbolic press release) that he will henceforth be known simply as "Director X," a change made "to stay firmly entrenched in the hip-hop world, while bringing his visionary energy to other projects, such as commercials for McDonald's." He even has a brand-new Web site (which, at the time of this writing, is still under construction) and an artfully minimal new press photo to go along with his new handle, too. The world, it would seem, is forever changed.

It bears mention that, at various points during his career, the man born Julien Christian Lutz has also been known as "Mr. X" and simply "X," but this time, something just feels different. There's a finality to his new name (unless he decides to change it to "Director Z"). And while we've spent all morning trying to come to grips with the news, we are still reporters, so we put our personal feelings aside and managed to dig up a list of other names X might have been milling over before going with the decidedly more proletariat "Director X."

We've posted that list below, in the hopes that it will somehow help you cope with this sudden news. Remember, change is inevitable. And we'll all get through this together. Somehow.

"Racer X"

"Mr. E (Think About It)"

"Professor Charles Xavier"

"Guy Who Directed John Mayer's 'Clarity' Video X"

"Mega Man X"

"Director X-tremely Good At Directing"

"105.9 The X, Pittsburgh's Home For Modern Rock"

"Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf "

"It's Cool, People Confuse Me With Hype Williams All The Time X"

"Megalomaniac X"

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Alice In Chains Crown The BLACKDIAMONDSKYE Contest Winners!

Posted 9/15/10 4:30 pm EST by in Music


Alice In Chains put out the call, and you answered.

A few weeks back, MTV News partnered with the folks behind the BLACKDIAMONDSKYE tour for a totally ass-kicking contest, one that asked fans to create a custom trailer for the hard-rocking Alice in Chains/Deftones/Mastodon triple bill, which kicks off Thursday night (September 16) in Chicago. The grand prize winner not only got a personalized Black Gives Way To Blue gold record, but VIP tickets to any date on the tour, a meet-and-greet with the guys in AIC and an autographed poster.

It was a pretty sweet giveaway, and not surprisingly, the entries poured in. Earlier today (September 14), we sent them all to the men in Alice In Chains, and they picked a big winner (along with three runners-up, who also get tickets to BLACKDIAMONDSKYE and an autographed tour poster). And so, without further ado, here's who they chose.

Behold the grand prize winner!

And check out our three runners up!

» Runner Up #1

» Runner Up #2
 
» Runner Up #3

Congrats to our winners (the folks behind BLACKDIAMONDSKYE will be in touch shortly to get you your prizes) and, really, all who entered. We were blown away by the creativity we saw in all the trailers. Now go out and enjoy the show!

Which date of the BLACKDIAMONDSKYE tour are you going to? Let us know in the comments!

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Eminem And Jay-Z's Tour Riders: 'Late Model' Maybachs And 'Soft Toilet Paper' Please

Posted 9/2/10 9:30 am EST by in Music


Tonight (September 2) in Detroit, Eminem and Jay-Z will kick off their much-hyped "Home and Home" concert series with a pair of shows at Comerica Park (home of the Detroit Tigers). It's clearly a huge event, and somewhat appropriately, it will come with a pair of equally huge riders.

After all, Em and Jay are not only two of the biggest names in hip-hop, they're two of the biggest stars in the world, which means that their list of pre-show demands (also known in the business as "tour riders") are epic as they are, well, specific. For example, Jay-Z requires the house to furnish him with a Maybach for the day, though not just any Maybach — it must be a "late model black Maybach '57 or '62 with tinted windows." Eminem won't get off the bus unless he's guaranteed a steak dinner fit for a king ("porterhouse or filet mignon cuts" only). And the lists go on and on.

Why do they demand those things? Well, because they can. So with the "Home and Home" shows upon us, we decided to highlight some of the more esoteric requests from Em and Jay's previous tour riders, with a little help from folks over at the Smoking Gun. Have a glance, and pray that Comerica or Yankee Stadium don't cut corners when it comes to the grape jelly or the toilet paper.

Jay-Z's Tour Rider

» One late model black Maybach '57 or '62 with tinted windows.

» Seven dressing rooms, one for Jay with a "relaxed atmosphere" and "tasteful, living room type furniture" with matching end tables.

» Two six-packs of Sapporo beer, one bottle of Belvedere Vodka, two bottles of Patron Silver, two bottles of "Red, Italian wine from Bolgheri Region," two bottles "Ace of Spades" champagne.

» One martini shaker.

» One jar "good quality" grape jelly.

Eminem's Tour Rider

» Seven sofas and two loveseats in "somewhat neutral" color.
Read More...

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