First, Alec Baldwin didn't show up, though he was listed on our invite. So I still remain ignorant about who his favorite Jonas Brother is and which past president he most admires. Why have you failed me, Jack Donaghy? Others who didn't show included Cuba Gooding Jr. (I had pressing questions about his brother, Omar Gooding) and Jane Seymour (I had a slew of questions regarding her Open Hearts line at Kay Jewelers).

America Ferrera showed up but didn't talk to any press. Olivia Palermo from "The City" was there and rushed past us without a word, as did Michael Kors, Patricia Clarkson and Zoe Kravitz, who from the back is the spitting image of Vanessa Hudgens.

Ginnifer Goodwin, who actually stars in the movie, talked to us, but she sort of had to be there to promote the flick. We talked to "Ugly Betty" star Mark Indelicato, who assured us that his show isn't canceled, just on hiatus. We also talked to "Lipstick Jungle" star Lindsey Price attended with her boyfriend, "How I Met Your Mother" star Josh Radnor, although she didn't say anything about him or the status of her series.

"Project Runway" winner Christian Siriano was adorable and dished about everything from his fashion line to his Valentine's Day plans. By far, he was the sunshine in our very cloudy (and freezing) night. Also, someone who managed to make our night worth it was "The Office" co-star Melora Hardin, who professed her love for Zac Efron and Miley Cyrus.

I have to say, the highlight of the night was when NASCAR star Jeff Gordon showed up extremely late and all the press had already packed up. He seemed a bit perturbed that he'd missed his chance to get his picture taken. Sorry, Jeff — we know the feeling!

Ring the chimes! Release the doves! Let us all breathe a collective sigh of ... "meh."

"Project Runway" is at long last over, and — extremely obvious spoiler alert — Leanne won! But if you ask me, the real winner of last night's final challenge was none other than yours truly, as I had the pleasure and the joy of watching the episode in the humble abode of STELLA BARBARELLA ZOTIS. Yes, Ratbones was there too. Oh, and so was legendary rock photographer Mick Rock. Normal.

My trusty co-worker Steven shot the festivities for my posterity and for this very special (FINAL!) edition of Ins and Outs!

IN

Not Winning: The exposure of being on "Project Runway" is way more than enough for most of these designers. Not to speak on Leanne's behalf, but apparently the only thing you really win (apart from the car, the money and the mentorship) when you come out victorious from this show is a bunch of red tape dictating what you can and can't do. Also, Stella told me that once you're kicked off the show, you don't go home! Instead, you go to this other room in the Atlas apartments, and a team of Bravo people take the contestants to places like Great Adventure.

Dogs: That model's dog (you know which one ... ) was too much. Stella has a dog too! His name is Zeus, and she's obsessed with him, with good reason.

Brad: Does he have a last name? Whatever. In any case, "The Rachel Zoe Project" is amazing, and last night, Rachel's well-dressed and well-groomed assistant got some camera time before the runway shows, to remind us that none of us spends enough time coordinating impeccable "looks" for ourselves.

Bangs: I just cut mine recently, and honestly, they're high-maintenance. That's why whenever I see Kenley and her full, unseparated bangs, I have this new respect for her. Then, Stella told me that Kenley cuts her OWN forehead fringe. Nobody deserves to be that talented.

Tim Gunn: Apart from everything else in the world that makes him an "in" (stepping in literally at the last minute to fill in for the oft-hyperstyled Jennifer Lopez?), Tim is immune to sass — especially if said attitude comes from the mouth of a girl I just discussed whose name starts with "Ken" and ends with a "ley."

Joan Kors: Her half-second of airtime last night was moving. While I love my mother just fine, I sometimes do think about what it would've been like to have been reared by the turtlenecked one. Stella loves her too!

Korto's Daughter: Was ADORABLE. However, Stella and I agreed that when it came to her final runway show — and we mean this with love in our hearts — Korto didn't "bring it" enough.

Korto's Derriere: I feel like Stella best describes all of our feelings in the video (watch it).

OUT

Picking Battles: Initially, I thought there was something to be said about the similarities in silhouette from Kenley's looks to that of Balenciaga's ... until Stella reminded me about that time Leanne's mimicry of McQueen nearly sent her to Paris.

"Australia": Did I really just sit through that hourlong preview? And did it not provide even the slightest shout-out to the country's finest export, the Bloomin' Onion?

Kenley: I'm not even going to bother delving further into this — not worth it anymore, right? Anyway, Stella actually gets a big kick out of Kenley and explained to us why Kenley is ... Kenley. Also, you know that gorgeous, green top from her collection? Stella tried it on and "loved it!"

Ambition: Korto designed two new looks! In two days! While being the mother to that adorable daughter! Why'd she do that? Seriously, why? (It had something to do with not liking her wedding dress.) In any case, Korto's drive made me feel lazy, and I don't take kindly to being bested by overachievers.

Jennifer Lopez: Glad her foot healed in time for that giant triathlon thing, like, three days later!

Headwear: How many times do I need to say this? Funny hats/headwear should only be worn by people of diaper-wearing ages. (My darling Stella and her leather hats, Tom Wolfe and Gay Talese get free passes.) Kenley, not to single you out again, but your Martian antennae and headdresses were nothing but a hindrance to your (ohmygodthesewordsarecomingoutofmymouth) absolutely stunning collection.

Fans: Between not announcing fan favorite and not hosting a reunion this season, let's just say: Bravo, we fans can take a hint. See you at Lifetime, maybe? Until then, let's rejoice in having our Wednesdays back.

Stella Zotis had long been a fan favorite on "Project Runway," what with her declarations of living and dying rock and roll, incorporating leather and grommets to toughen up an otherwise-mundane design for the show's challenges and her big, inviting personality.

"I'm living my proudest moment right now," Stella said of being on the show and the opportunities that have been presented since. "I'm putting pressure on myself to cultivate new ideas," namely, preparing a line to coincide with the opening of her store next month on the Lower East Side. Flanked by her boyfriend, Ratbones (yes, just Ratbones), and legendary photographer and close friend Mick Rock, Stella sat down in the Chelsea apartment she shares with Rat to talk "Runway" and how her lifestyle has affected her work.

Rock was quick to point out that the living room's decor — replete with portraits (mostly by Rock, naturally) of rock luminaries such as Ozzy Osbourne, Iggy Pop, David Bowie and the Rolling Stones and an original screen print from a T-shirt sold at Vivienne Westwood's legendary boutique, Sex — is an ideal reflection of Zotis' aesthetic, a look she refers to as "pure style." "The thing about Stella," Rock said, "is she's pure New York rock and roll." To her, heavy denim and leather aren't trend pieces, they fit a lifestyle she and her peers have long been a part of. Though she's even declared that she "doesn't like" the way most clothing looks when not constructed from said materials, Stella does have a softer side. "I love Sade," she admitted. "She's just a beautiful songwriter."

"I didn't have to look at magazines," she said when describing how she first took to her look in her late teens. "I wanted to look like Iggy, wearing leather pants. ... I liked the way the New York Dolls looked; I wanted to look like that." And so, with the help of her mother and a family steeped in the fur and leather industries in their native Greece, she made the garments of the subculture. It remained a hobby, and she instead spent her years working as a makeup artist in the music industry.

A fateful photo shoot of Blondie's Debbie Harry with Rock behind the lens, however, offered an awakening. "[Stella] would get a bit bored," Rock laughed about their years of working together on photo shoots. Not one for sitting idle, Stella would "physically adjust clothes and add pieces of my wardrobe" to the subjects she made up. The orders for her custom designs came in, and she soon made a living exclusively from it. The rocker she'd most like to dress? Iggy Pop.

Like many designers who go on the Bravo show, Stella used "Project Runway" to garner greater exposure. It didn't occur to her, however, that many of the season's challenges wouldn't be centered on her forte. She went to button stores instead of hardware stores, Mood instead of her leather supplier, and worked with sewing machines unlike the sturdier machines used for sewing leather (and her trusty Ratbones couldn't play DJ as he often does when Stella works at home, playing tracks from Bad Brains and Bob Marley). In retrospect, she appreciated designing out of her comfort zone, and in true rock-and-roll fashion, she wasn't that bothered about being kicked off. When asked about it, she proudly gushed, "Honey, I went out in style!"

Just as Rya immediately latched onto the leatha goddess, I've been rooting for Leanne since the very first episode. I've always been one to back whatever reality-TV contestant I felt was most like me, which means that goodwill for quiet wallflower types emanates from my living room. So, of course, I think Leanne and I could hang out — exchanging awkward smiles without speaking, listening to nonthreatening indie rock (do you think she likes the Shins?) and creeping around pretending we were spies. And when that got old, we could venture out for some eco-friendly recreation.

In
Old-timey courtship: Tim Gunn's visits to the designers' hometowns are always a highlight of the season, but Leanne's afternoon with him took the cute cake. Maybe it was his little worried exclamations or the suit/helmet combination, but Tim sure looked sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.

Dirty minds: One of the dresses in Korto's runway collection involved a shape that was, shall we say, reminiscent of several Georgia O'Keefe paintings. But could anyone other than Tim use the phrase "snatch shot" without making it sound wholly inappropriate? I feel like I should apologize just for typing it.

Little Rock, Arkansas: I predict a cultural renaissance for the city, based solely on their artists' access to gorgeous, affordable studio space in the middle of snake-infested forests.

Giving credit where it's due: Michael Kors deemed Kenley's bridesmaid dress the "cutest damn dress I've ever seen," while Heidi Klum called it "crazy-good," and you know what? They were right. But that's all the positive reinforcement Kenley can expect to get from this recap.

Out
Extra homework: The actual challenge was totally secondary and boring compared to the rest of the episode. Put together the most important collection of your career, plus a wedding dress and a bridesmaid dress? As the designers stood on the runway, I half-expected Heidi to hurl a roll of chiffon at them and yell, "And now, the mother of the bride!"

Dance costumes: I'm not talking about Leanne's adolescent ballerina/designer beginnings because, come on, that was adorable. But maybe it was the very mention of recital chic that had me connecting all that glitter and sparkle in Jerell's collection to my own tap-class ensembles. Since he was eliminated, we'll never know if his models would've been required to do a time step at the end of the Fashion Week runway.

Living in a perfect world: Kenley can apparently coil a rope around a mannequin's neck as part of an outfit and never once think of nooses. If she were Alison Kelly, I just might believe that sort of naiveté to be genuine. But Kenley is no Alison.

Half-assed apologies: Halfway between the door to the hotel suite and her bedroom, Kenley muttered a few words atonement for several weeks of tantrums, back-talking and generally unacceptable behavior. Then she blew up an orphanage and said, "Oops!"

Poultry: Like Kenley, I don't follow designers or collections or, you know, fashion. So when the judges compared her feathered wedding dress to something by Alexander McQueen, I didn't have any idea what they were talking about either. Besides, I was too busying thinking about this.

My lifelong political beliefs: Last week, John McCain told Fox News that he was behind in the polls because "life isn't fair." This was a great source of amusement and East Coast liberal smugness for me. But as soon as Kenley was in'd, a horrifying thought hit me: Oh dear God, McCain was right.

May I get those 60 minutes of my life back now, please? Funny story — last month, I saw this noise band (that shall remain nameless), and I thought they were so lame and droney, and their music literally nauseated me. But everyone around me was headbanging and really, really rocking! And that's how I feel about "Project Runway" at this point. Like, we're all watching the same show, right? And everyone's getting a huge kick out of it? So why am I inching away from the crowd, with my fingers in my ears, holding back vomit? OK, enough pouring out my soul — I'm starting to sound like Kenley. Ins and Outs!

IN

Stella Zotis: You guys don't get it, do you? In addition to being a personable, talented and whip-smart woman, Stella made great television. When I saw those digital cameras, I was reminded of her, and I poured one out. Admit it, you did the same. Actually, I take that back, because I don't drink on the job; though maybe if I did, this show would be bearable.

Tulle: In the world of fabrics, tulle is sugar. It's an essential ingredient that makes everything that much more flouncy, feminine and fun — take that alliteration, Cosmo. So for a minute — and really, only about a minute — I felt for Kenley, when she realized she forgot hers at Mood and had to use drafting paper to create volume in her gown. Then I caught myself and went back to wanting to chop off her bangs in her sleep.

Dolls: Admittedly, Jerell's dolls weren't nearly as lifelike as the babies the women take care of in the BBC doc "My Fake Baby," but he talked to them, nonetheless. And for some odd reason, I feel like he had no idea that there were cameras around. Speaking of Jerell ...

Eating: It doesn't hurt!

The New York Botanical Garden: Not to talk about weather, but how gorgeous was that day the designers got in touch with nature? And how beautiful was the garden?

Michael Kors: There's something to be said about the classy way in which he diffused Kenley's fiery gabfest on the runway. Somewhere, Halston is smiling.

The Aggro Crag: The actual structure (from Nickelodeon's "Guts") is a perennial "in," but I'm referring to the physical representation of Seal's "Kiss From a Rose" royalties that sat comfortably atop Heidi's ring finger.

OUT

Headwear: Unless those bright yellow headbands were a tribute to Blayne (which they likely weren't), those wraps have to go. They looked like an accessory for a Xenu Halloween costume. And I understand that Kenley's feathers are a signature, but after my kind mother asked me, "Why does she keep wearing that sh-- on her head?" when we watched the episode, I realized that perhaps everyone's (least) favorite '50s fashionista might have crossed the line.

Junior high school: Someone get me my Discman, pop in "Odelay," and have my BFF's mother drive me to school, because last night's episode brought me back to seventh grade in a gigantic way. Namely, if last night's group hug was any proof, even Tim is inching his way toward Jerell, Korto and Leanne's clique! How Plastics of him! All while Kenley sat in the corner, thinking about how much her fellow designers will so regret not befriending her when she's rich and famous. And in keeping with this junior high theme, Marchesa designer Georgina Chapman played the role of the token "preternatural beauty with a charmed life who made me feel ugly and if I'd ever reach puberty." Only something tells me that unlike my real life junior high nemesis, I'll never bump into Ms. Chapman at 2:00 a.m. at a deli on Avenue B with her arms linked to some sweaty, old guy from Long Island. Then again, Chapman is married to Harvey Weinstein.

Pirates: I was a fashion intern at Women's Wear Daily three summers ago, when the "pirate" look was all the rage. While it probably seemed like a great idea to many at the time, I never really got what was so exciting about drawing inspiration from a group of grown men whose lives revolved around drinking alcohol, stealing treasure and raping local women. They're like investment bankers with funny hats and billowy shirts. I guess what I'm trying to say is Jerell, you're a great guy, but don't ever wear that outfit you wore on the runway ever again.

Kenley: Guys, honestly, I'm over talking about her, I'm over thinking about her, I'm over acknowledging her. Her storyline isn't even interesting anymore. It's just sad; she's so depressing that it's depressing. I don't want to say that I feel for Kenley, but I will say that in the 79 squillion hours of reality television I've watched, I don't think I've ever seen anyone spiral out of control so subtly, yet dramatically since Justin on "Real World: Hawaii." Which means that it'll only be a matter of time before Kenley, too, is but a character description on a Wikipedia page.

Yom Kippur: A thousand apologies, reader(s), but I won't be here next week, as I'll be hard at work atoning, and being inscribed in the Book of Life for one more year. I'm actually a little annoyed, because now I'll have to wait another week and a day find out who "goes home."

Hey, everyone. OK, seriously, how great was last night's episode? Oh wait, did you just hear that? The sound of a higher power smiting me from up above because I just lied? Listen, I'm toughing out the rest of this season for one reason only: you, my dear reader(s). And because I enjoy watching Kenley further prove herself as reality TV's ultimate villain week after week. Last night, the designers made clothes for each other, and the five remaining sashayed (or something like that) down the runway in their hip-hop, punk, rock, country and pop looks. Wow! What a totally fun show! Ouch, that one's gonna leave a mark. Ins and outs!

IN
Stella Zotis: Don't you feel like she was in the air last night? I mean, if there ever were a challenge for Stella to be a part of, it would've been to dress one of the other designers as "punk" or "rock and roll." Better yet, Suede both wore and made leather vests. That's something, right? No? Oh, who am I kidding? This show is nothing without her.

Going hip-hop: Korto threatened to "go hip-hop" on Kenley. While I'm not quite sure what that entails, I wish Korto had made good on her threat, as it would've made for better television than when the editors hacked away at Tim Gunn to make it look like he lost his cool on Kenley (more on that later).

Eighth grade: That's the year when everyone — whether or not they'd like to admit it — peaks in coolness. Naturally, Suede channeled this period when he strolled down the runway looking like a mall punk who couldn't quite fix his hair into a Mohawk and is in a band called Dead Baby Blood. I shouldn't have to point this out, but did we really need the matching rattail?

Keeping a straight face: How did Heidi so seriously address Suede on the runway during the final two with him dressed like that? Surely her criticisms to him were added during what we in the industry call "post."

"Tommy": It's the best concept album/ rock opera /Broadway musical /work inspired by pinball and/or wizards, ever. So imagine my excitement when Jerell (inadvertently?) referenced it when explaining that "you'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind to not know she was pop!" By the way, to all my deaf, dumb and blind fans: The outfit Kenley wore wasn't so much "pop" as it was "ruined" because she sported it.

Baggage: Literally. Did you see Suede's purple rolling backpack? Was that a conscious fashion decision (ugly is the new pretty), or was it purchased by Suede's mother after her son's school nurse implored her to do so?

OUT
Lips: LL licked his once in last night's episode (a far cry from this), and, honestly, what a waste. Did you really want to hear him talk about fashion, or did you want to watch him do something he's good at? What's next, Michael Phelps hosting a weekly comedy variety show?

Kenley Spears: Check out her new single, "I'm a Clueless Jerk."

Kenley Collins: Must I even go there?

Realizations: About halfway through the episode, I saw Suede on the screen and was like, "Wait, he's still here?" Doesn't it feel like Suede was kicked off ages ago and, like an abandoned cat or Jessica Simpson, kept creeping back into the design studio whether anyone liked it or not?

Previews: Do you realize how excited I was for this week's episode? And what for? So I could watch a heavily edited "fight" between a wise man and his simple, wayward apostle? Let's all watch this and accept that television fights have gone downhill since. My mouth definitely watered when I saw all those tears for next week's episode (yes, that says a lot about me), but I'm trying not to get too excited about RoboKorto expressing an emotion, and Kenley quoting my favorite line from my favorite movie, "I'm a Cliché Student Who Found Herself at a Liberal Arts College": "I feel like I've been fighting my way through life!"

Ribs: Because after last night's episode, I'm going out for them tonight. Like their distant cousin pizza, ribs are a delicious food product enjoyed by worlds of solid food eaters — not just by those who sport "country" looks designed by MC Leannimal.

Well, was last night something or was it something? I took to this week's episode for a wealth of reasons, namely that I'm a recent college grad (Let's go — wait, does NYU have any athletic teams?), I started working right out of college and, like most other members of the animal kingdom, I have an opinionated mother. That said, this episode was about as exciting as my morning subway ride, which is to say, not very riveting at all. Was Stella's absence to blame for the 60-minute snoozer? Certainly. But I also think it's worth pointing out how lame the entire challenge was. If I wanted to watch a "makeover" episode, I'd watch some "Jenny Jones" clips on Youtube. And if I wanted advice on office clothing, I'd refer to this: Unless you're physically given a uniform, you can probably wear jeans and the shirt you wore to sleep last night to work and no one will care.

With that said ... ins and outs!

IN
Dreams: You guys, this actually happened. My hard work obsessing over Stella Zotis' every last move at last paid off! While watching the following, please hum this song.

Later that day, I met her! I'll save the details for another day, but let's just say a photo of me sandwiched between her and Ratbones actually exists. If you're my Facebook friend (or my actual friend), you've probably seen this. If you're neither, in the words of Stella, "Keep walkin'."

Yaffa: She was the mother of Suede's client, and with a few tweaks and a black mock turtleneck, she has the potential to be the next Joan Kors.

Korto Momolu: That daughter of hers is adorable. Speaking of adorable, can we talk about Jerell's baby picture? You also "paused" on that image when it appeared on your screen, right? But back to Korto. She's in this week because she just might be the coolest, most sedate(d) mother in Little Rock.

Funny hats: It's one thing to wear some lame fedora, it's another thing to sport a beret that can subsequently be rolled into a footlong Zig-Zag, so that newer, funnier ideas for headwear may be dreamed up. Nice work, Jerell!

Cardigans: Readers, do not think for a second that Jerell is the new Stella Zotis — he's just having a good week. But seriously, his cardigan was the Budweiser of clothing items: a timeless, American staple you get great use out of week after week, and it still makes you feel fabulous.

Tim Gunn: I know, previews shouldn't be a part of a recap, but did you see how Tim put his foot down with Kenley? He snapped at her on behalf of all of humanity, and for that, we ought to be grateful.

Lying: As of September 1, Nina Garcia is no longer the "editor at large" for Elle. Just throwing that out there.

The dog at Mood: SO CUTE!

OUT
Kenley: OK, seriously, heaven help this woman and her bloated, deluded sense of self that can be rivaled only by an aristocrat's or an mPUA. Let's go over just a couple of last night's offenses:

1) Disregarding Tim. Tim doesn't really understand you as a designer, Kenley? That's a shame, because he seemed to understand and support the visions of such talents as Lazaro Hernandez and Jack McCollough. (Though I doubt you'd know who they are, as that would involve knowledge of your market.)

2) "I never really change anything for Tim." Sickening. I don't have it in me to further elaborate.

Leather: Stella and only Stella is worthy of using this material. Korto, I'm looking at you.

Loehmann's: Should you ever pay retail? No. However, you should set limits for how far you'll go for a bargain. One of those limits is steering clear of the Loehmann's basement, where you run the risk of spotting Ellie, the mother of Leanne's client, on the prowl for a new "statement" blazer. In any case, much nachas to Leanne's client for appearing relatively sane despite being raised by Linda Richman.

"Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones": What's worse than Kenley Collins? Well, that's easy: genocide, blackouts, global warming and the fact that Kenley's got a 22-year-old doppelganger.

Facial hair: It never occurred to me until tonight (too late, I know) just how ... uncomfortable ... Joe Faris' goatee makes me. Maybe because it's asymmetrical? Maybe because of how heavily it borrows from the Kevin Christiana playbook?

Neo: When Suede put on sunglasses with very tiny, dark lenses at the top of the episode, it brought me back. What brought me even further back was that steaming pile of "fashion" he forced upon his model, which looked less like a "professional work" look, and more like something I'd see worn during a fashion show on a back-to-school edition of "The Grind."

Remember that line in the hip-hop/Sting tour de force "I'll Be Missing You," when Puff Daddy (that's what he went by in those days) says he'd "give anything to hear half your breath"? Well, that's how I felt last week. I gave anything, and last night, I heard Stella take a victory exhale all over this week's episode. To put it in simpler terms: Designers were paired up (thanks to the help of Tim's magical, black velvet satchel) with the season's eliminated contestants. The partners had to put together an avant-garde look that corresponded with one of the designer's zodiac signs. Obviously. So, before we get started on this week's ins and outs, I've got a quick question.

Which one of these four statements was NOT used to define what "avant-garde" means?

1. "Something we haven't seen before."

2. "The advance group in any field, esp. in the visual, literary or musical arts, whose works are characterized chiefly by unorthodox and experimental methods."

3. "You have to be pushing the envelope a little bit more."

4. "Fashion-forward."

The correct answer is #2, because that came from an actual dictionary and not from Michael Kors, Heidi or that guy who was eliminated first, respectively. Moving along! Ins and outs!

IN
Stella Zotis!: If only they sold egg-dying kits in mid-September — I had to celebrate the one night that my savior was resurrected. Stella was fatefully partnered with the Lennon to her McCartney, Blayne, and it was so beautiful to share a moment with them once more. Blayne even referred to her as Barbarella, which was either an amazing reference to her middle name, or he's a huge Scott Weiland fan. That said, Blayne was eventually auf'ed, which officially means that if I weren't blogging about this show for my beloved job, I'd stop tuning in right about now.

Robert Plotkin: I never realized it before, but this man is like the human equivalent of chicken soup. Apart from the fact that he's very much hot (rimshot), his presence and good looks can cure all ills, comfort those in need and are proudly vetted by a Jewish grandmother.

Sub Pop Records: Is it just me, or when Leanne and Emily were working together, did you feel like the girls were going to ditch Parsons and head over to Sam Ash to buy, like, a lute and a keytar and wear matching headbands and start this incredible, well-dressed girl band? Don't you feel like when they were talking to Alison at the planetarium, it wasn't so much about their Scorpion design's exoskeleton as it was about how proficient Alison is on woodwinds?

The planetarium: It was refreshing to know that this expensive extension of the Museum of Natural History serves a purpose greater than hosting seventh-grade field trips and after-school trips of another sort in my later years when they had laser light shows (further proof that no matter how cosmopolitan a city one grows up in, most adolescents enjoy the same, simple pleasures).

Sleeping: I can't be the only one who wanted to punch the screen upon seeing Keith catching Z's on the couch. Not because it was totally uncouth (give the guy a break, he's "kind of fragile"), but because that nap looked amazing.

Christian Siriano: He's a loud, lithe bundle of joy and talent.

"For every three things you want to say, just say one": This is the best life advice I've ever received, and I thought I'd take a minute to pass it on to Kenley, so she doesn't describe any of her pieces as "rebellion, strength, strong and purple" ever again.

OUT
Heidi: She invited some of her "favorite New York designers" from past seasons, which included such great picks as the aforementioned Robert and Christian, Daniel Vosovic and Kara Janx. But Heidi had the audacity to leave out a certain New York designer from a past season. Where in the mesh driver's cap was Ricky Lizalde? Yes, I just reminded you of him and now you realize you miss him too. My work here is done.

Designers' collections: Kenley doesn't follow them, and that's OK and sensible, because she's a fashion designer.

Terri: She literally is out, but she was dead to me three minutes into the show when she said, "Will I miss Stella? No." OK, that quote was slightly taken out of context, but still, such words in such order should've never left her mouth.

Lindsay Lohan: Why is it that whenever I see Blayne in any of his rainbow of American Apparel hoodies I'm reminded of my favorite photo of the 21st century?

Carmen: Really?

The two girls who decided to stand in front of me at the Sonic Youth show two weeks ago: Did you really think all 5-foot-1 of me wouldn't get annoyed that you were keeping me from watching my favorite Starbucks-endorsed band melt face? Which reminds me, Kenley, I know you're "just having fun," but stop gloating about how great your work is. You're just begging for the Vivian Girls to roll their doe eyes at you.

Hi, guys. Sorry if this post is a little terse. I have to get back to covering my mirrors, wearing all black, welcoming distant relatives from out of town and receiving elaborate gourmet food baskets. Stella's gone. Forever. Until the reunion. So, in honor of Stella's contribution to the show and — who am I kidding — my life, today's post is dedicated to her. Ins and Outs! And then ... we eulogize!

Ins and Outs and "Farewell, Stella" playlist after the jump!

IN 
Diane von Furstenberg: Here's a fun fact you definitely don't need to know: DVF isn't just a visionary goddess and the emblem of what it means to be a woman in power (seriously) — she was also my mother's critic when she presented her final collection at FIT. So thanks, DVF, for being a role model and for letting my mother graduate college. And thanks for offering up a suggestion for how women with cleavage can hold their eye glasses.

Jerell: Before I get into why he's in, I'd like to have a word with the producers. Buddies, could you have had a little more nonsensical b-roll of Jerell pouring himself a glass of orange juice? Anyway, I had a moment with him last week because of that rant about Terri having "two faces and four patterns." Whatever, I'll admit he was sorta right; the girl loves making pants and blouses. That said, am I the only one who believes that Terri is the Susan Lucci (or to put it in more network-friendly terms, the Mariah and/or Britney) of "Project Runway"? Always in the top three but never the bride?

Korto Momolu: I've been accused by co-workers, acquaintances, friends, family and strangers alike for being a little too "on" all the time. That's why I'm going to use this blog, this wide-reaching means of communication, to contact my Little Rock fashionista and ask, "Korto, do you take literal 'Chill Pills,' and if so, may I quality-check them?"

American Express: Surely I'm not the only one who's considering applying for that piece of plastic so I can scoop up Leanne's dazzling shrunken jacket?

OUT
Joe Faris: I just read this article about Anne Hathaway's crazy ex-BF. And I feel like Joe and his "handmade" (DVF's word, not mine), Asian-inspired look have equally as creepy delusions of grandeur. Why is he still on the show and Stella's not, you ask? Well, in the words of my Rabbi, "Sometimes God says no." 

Suede: Honestly, I'm just so grateful that the rest of his family lived to see his herringbone mess (I meant vest! Meow!). However, I wanted to die when I saw his blue rattail.

Feather shoulder pads: Really, Kenley? I gave you a pass on your trip to the waterworks upon meeting DVF (her presence would make even the hardest of hearts a little misty-eyed), but I think you could've lived without the wings.

Rachel Zoe: I'm doing this for Stella because she didn't take kindly to the criticism offered up last week by "the stylist in the oversized muumuu dress and the waistband."

And now, something else for Ms. Zotis. As you've come to learn in recent weeks, and as Suede has taught me, I'm none too good at this "feelings" thing. But music is a good catalyst to kick-start the grieving process, and lucky for all of us, I work for a network that — despite what some naysayers may claim — celebrates the art. So here's my playlist for those who haven't yet accepted the loss and want to commemorate a beautiful, televised snippet of Stella Zotis' life. Whilst listening, feel free to recall warm yet distant memories of her playful rapport with Blayne, her perfectly spaced and clump-free eyelashes, her leather hat, her confrontation with Tim about using black leather for the Olympics outfit, and the racket she'd create whenever she hammered grommets into her leath-uh. Or just think of Stella being ... Stella.

The Clash, "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" — It wasn't up to her, guys. But it's for the best, right?
The Misfits, "Attitude" — I bet Ratbones sings this song to Stella, because of how sharp she is. This and "Sacred Love" by Bad Brains, which isn't available on video on the Internet, so you'll just have to imagine what that sounds like.
Boyz II Men, "End of the Road" — A song about finally accepting that something beautiful has come to an end.
The Dead Kennedys, "Your Emotions" — My emotions are making me a monster right now.
Sonic Youth, "Little Trouble Girl" — Because she was the show's little trouble girl.
The Ramones, "Something to Believe In" — First of all, I feel like she's in this video. Second, the title speaks for itself.
Toni Braxton, "Un-Break My Heart" — Someone must undo the hurt that was caused when she walked out the door and walked out of my life.
Blue Cheer, "Rock Me Baby" — She loved bikers, and bikers loved her, and bikers love this band. Synergy, yeah?
Blondie, "In the Flesh" — I don't mean for this to be suggestive, but I'd really like to meet Stella Zotis in the flesh. And did you know that Stella started out as Debbie Harry's makeup artist?
Sleater-Kinney, "You're No Rock N Roll Fun" — This is how I feel about "Project Runway" right now.

You know what? We'll all be in better spirits next week. And look on the bright side: I know for certain that now that Stella's gone, my loved ones can have me back, I'll be a more focused employee — which is a good thing, what with that whole "election" thing coming up — and I can better nurse my obsession with that total babe from Battles. (Look at that! I've moved on already!)

Stella, it's been slick.

"Hallo, everyone" (that's "hello" in Heidi for the laymen in the audience). Last night's episode was, save for a few blips here and there, about as exciting as a carburetor. Which is an apt comparison because, whaddaya know, the episode involved making fashion out of car interiors! Not just any car interior, but Saturn View Hybrid interiors. Mmmm ... do you smell that? That's some soft, buttery product placement. But I digress! Alright, buds! Ins and Outs! Keith's gone! Let's rejoice!

IN

Stella Zotis: OK, so clearly, I'm obsessed. What can I say? The woman is slick and enchanting. She deserves props this week not only for being her but also for stepping outside her comfort zone. Stella refrained from crafting a leather garment to give the other designers a break, as she would've crushed the competition. Literally — with her hammer and grommets. While it wasn't the winning outfit, it was refreshing to see Stella display a knack for feminine pieces that are equally detail-oriented. Oh my God, I'm starting to sound like a fashion assistant again. Party foul!

Dads: Keith's attitude was reminiscent of that of someone profiled on a certain show on this network. As Keith began a "you don't appreciate me" diatribe on the runway, Michael Kors stopped the Bandana Boy in his tracks, pulled a pair of white, athletic socks up to his calves, tied a lanyard around his glasses, strapped his cell phone to his belt and became the biggest dad ever by telling Keith, essentially, to shut up. Expect a tie from me come June 14, Mr. Kors.

Moms: Laura (who, at last count, had just mothered her 99th child) filled in for Nina Garcia! Obviously! 

Heidi's tattoo: Why not? It won't keep her from having sex for seven years, right?

One-liners/catchphrases: No, I'm not talking about "your face," "licious" and "wackadoodle" — they're a yawn. I'm more into Keith Bryce's declaration at the top of the show: "I want to change the way the world dresses." Aaaaaand ... that joke just wrote itself. Moving on!

Rachel Zoe: So she wasn't especially great last night. If anything, she just sounded knowledgeable (booooring!) and fair (giant yawn). But have you seen the previews for her new show? Save for Chris March's disco-Viking getup from last week, have your eyes ever witnessed anything so magical on the small screen? That's a rhetorical question.

Terri: I'm more than willing to admit that Terri's comparison of Korto's classy swing jacket to something out of "Jeepers Creepers" was uncouth. But then she started laughing and rolling around the floor, and she became a caricature of my freshman year in college, totally redeeming herself. Related: Jerell, Terri may have two faces, but only four patterns? Really?

OUT

Keith: If Keith had a different set of anatomical parts, I would've chalked up that foul mood to a violent case of PMS. But he possesses no such parts, and thus I can blame Keith's Keith-ness on nothing but himself. I found his backhanded quips hilarious for about three minutes ... then they became unbearable. If I want to watch someone whine nonsensically, I'll look in the mirror.

Sitting down: I'll give Keith this: He made one simple, professional request when his model was fitted into his poorly executed bandage-style skirt. He told her not to sit down. Ever. Not in a makeup chair, not whilst getting her hair done, not because her knees were buckling. And I can't blame Keith. Apart from the fact that one false move would've turned that skirt into a bunch of frayed seatbelts, sitting just plain sucks. I do it all day, and now I think I've got some sort of glitch in my back. So perhaps Keith meant well when he curtly requested that his model remain upright at all times; the lumbar is something you don't appreciate 'til it's gone sour.

Hair: Am I the only one who thought Jerell's model's mane wasn't "modern," so much as it was a tribute to this?

Ratbones: I'm glad Stella has found true love; Ratbones seems like a pretty stand-up guy. Their phone call radiated love, and I'm pretty sure that if the clip aired in certain countries rife with conflict, men would put down their arms. William Ratbones opened the conversation by asking his lady if she's "being bad-assed, or what?" That spiraled into a conversation so intoxicating — and perhaps intoxicated — that I'm sure there was a brief moment during the program when all viewers wondered if they'd ever have something as good as what Zotis & 'Bones seem to share.

Suede: I got a little emotional last night. No, it wasn't Beau Biden's speech that reminded me that I own a working pair of tear ducts (I watch that stuff too, you know). Rather, it was Suede's tribute to his late father, who gave him a Buick, that touched me. Suede, I hope the rest of your family is alive because — among other reasons — I can't keep having my heart broken every week.