Hi guys - sorry I'm late. I was busy talking to Paula Abdul on the red carpet. SERIOUSLY. More on that later…

But for now, it's time to live-blog the "American Idol" finale! Yay!

8:01 pm - Seacrest is introducing the judges with fun little montage that reminds us why they're the worst judges on television. Also, Randy Jackson borrowed a bow-tie from (Mrs.) J. Alexander on "America's Next Top Model."

8:06 pm - What's the worst part about being an "Idol" finalist? Having to sing songs about mountains and hurricanes or being forced to wear all white on the finale? At least Adam's wearing space boots.

8:06 pm - Mikalah Gordon is in Conway, Arkansas. This is the first time they've seen a real live drag queen. It's a night of firsts!!

8:07 pm - Carly Smithson is in San Diego. Oh no! Has Carly already become Mikalah Gordon-famous?

8:08 pm - The top 13 (remember that?!) are singing Pink's "So What." Although they edited out all the lyrics about ex-husbands and liquor. Also, if you mute your telelvision you can hear all of America saying "Oh yeah, remember Jorge and Jasmine?"

8:10 pm - Dear Michael Sarver, stop being a camera-whore. You're not the one we're tuning in for.

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It's here! It only took us 38 episodes, 17 weeks and one Tatiana del Toro, but the "American Idol" finale is just moments away!

Tonight I'm live-blogging from the actual honest-to-Gokey "American Idol" finale - but don't get too excited. I'm not in the auditorium with the judges and the random celebrity guests and the Seacrest. I'm in a "press viewing party" in the basement of the Nokia Theatre, squeezed in between other (sweaty) media outlets and watching the show on a monitor. This is the glamorous underbelly of showbiz, folks, and taking a look around the room, I'd say put the emphasis on belly.

For those of you who need to get caught up to speed on tonight's proceedings, it's Battle Royale between Adam Lambert, a theatrical screaming banshee who revitalized the aging competition with a unique style and a coy/savvy depiction of his sexuality, and Kris Allen, a humble newlywed from Arkansas who started the season as cannon fodder but slowly but surely gathered tons of fans with his boyish good looks, consistent vocals and acoustic interpretations of unexpected pop hits. His greatest achievement thus far? Kicking judge's fave Danny Gokey out of the competition last week.

Each singer will be tackling three songs tonight. One is a repeat from earlier this season (which is never as good as the first time they sang it), one is Simon Fuller's choice (he's the executive producer who also made "Spice World," so perhaps one song will feature the lyrics "Zig-a-zig-ah") and the last one is the coronation song/winner's first single, co-written by 4th-judge/show-ruiner Kara DioGuardi. (I kid, Kara. Can't wait to have you back next season.)

Okay, let's get on with the live-blogging!

7:56 pm - Holy crap you guys, I literally almost missed this. Somehow I got seriously lost in the 4 blocks between my hotel and the Nokia Theatre. I hate cars.

7:59 pm - Sixty seconds away!! (Nice way to plug my 60 Second Recaps, ain't it?)

8:00 pm - Gasp! It's on the monitor but there's no volume! It's mutiny in the press room! GAHHH!!!

8:01 pm - Crisis averted. The audio kicked in just as Kris and Adam were saying "I am the next American Idol" during their auditions. How much you wanna bet they went back and re-taped that yesterday?

8:02 pm - Camryn Manheim alert! She was there last year, too. Her son looks like he's off his meds. It's okay, kid. I'd be jumping up and down like a maniac if I was allowed to be inside the auditorium, too.

8:03 pm - Seacrest called it the battle between "the guy next door and the guyliner." Or he was announcing the name of a porno he was producing.

8:03 pm - Carly Smithson in the audience! Also Casey Carlson! $5 if you remember either of them.

8:04 pm - Seacrest tells America that tomorrow night's results show is gonna go long, so set your DVR's accordingly. They had to add an extra 5 minutes to the show so that Steve Martin could hock his Banjo album. I'm not making that up. Steve Martin is performing tomorrow night.

8:05 pm - Commercial break math quiz. Steve Martin + a banjo - comedy = ???

8:06 pm - And the answer is "something I don't want to see on the 'Idol' finale thank you very much."

8:06 pm - Anyone else notice that Kara got the quietest applause during the intros? If this were the Oscars In Memorium montage, Simon Cowell was Heath Ledger and Kara DioGuardi was the sound recordist for "Ishtar."

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Tonight's "American Idol" live-blog is dedicated to Allison Iraheta, my personal Idol. In honor of the recent oustee, I expect all of you to refuse to give me any credit I might deserve in this live-blog. Your comments should be comprised of backhanded compliments, faint praise and "that ones" while you over-praise other bloggers who are lazy and aren't deserving of their unstoppable success. Deal?

Check out Jim Cantiello's video recap of the show below!

We now resume with our regularly scheduled live-blog.

And then there were two...with a third wheel.

Yes, in a season that's felt as endless as "The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons", the finale is approaching faster than Kara can say "Here's the thing..."

The three remaining contestants had their hometown visits last week, which I imagine was a great morale booster. Although we all know one contestant doesn't need any more help in the ego department. (I'm refraining from typing His name tonight unless I absolutely positively have to. Still bitter about His inexplicable survival despite squawking one of the worst, insultingly dismissive performances in "Idol" history last week. But I'm glad He thought it was SO FUNNY!)

Don't worry, His fans. I'm taking a chill pill. This isn't the Bash The Guy Who Delivered A Subpar Performance For His Hometown Fans Live-blog. This is the "American Idol" Live-blog. And if He performs well tonight, I'll be a big boy and give him props. He will, after all, probably win this thing next week. (His fanbase is more rabid than Old Yeller. Pun intended.)

So let's get right to it! The live-blogging begins...now.

7:51 pm - Miss last week's Rockfest? Check out the latest "Idol in 60 Seconds" here.

7:58 pm - Almost there... Why do I get so nervous before every "Idol" episode? I need a life.

7:59 pm - Sigh. Paula just tweeted about Danny Gokey's song choices tonight. She didn't tweet any of the other contestants' song choices. FAVORITISM ALERT!

8:00 pm - 15 seconds in and Seacrest already spouts a grammar error. "These are your bottom 3!" Shouldn't it be "This is your bottom 3?"

8:01 pm - Groan. Seacrest just called the top three "The Three Amigos." Adam is definitely Steve Martin, the genius. Kris the teacup is definitely Martin Short. And Voldemort is DEFINITELY Chevy Chase.

8:03 pm - Danny Gokey is up first - in the death spot! Paula picked Terence Trent Darby's "Dance Little Sister." I have newfound respect for Paula. Terence Trent D'Arby is a guy who ruined his career by his massive ego. (Dude actually said his debut album was better than "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band." Uh-huh.)

8:04 pm - Oof. This is rough. He is shouting, and he keeps going sharp.

8:05 pm - Stanley from "The Office" is now on stage laying out a saxophone solo. Remember when pop music featured saxophone solos? Ah, the good old days.

8:06 pm - This song sucks. I feel bad that Paula saddled Gokey with this clunker.
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BREAKING NEWS! LITERALLY! According to “American Idol” blogs TopIdol and MJsBigBlog, there was an insane amount of drama during tonight’s “Idol” dress rehearsal! Exploding sets, falling stage managers! Yowzas! More news to come… We now return you to your regularly scheduled “American Idol” live-blog…

…and then the Pope says, “Poke her? I don’t even know her!” HAHAHA. That was a funny joke.

Before tonight’s Rock-themed “American Idol” live-blog, I want to say three words: I’m proud of you, America!

Yes, even though Simon threw my favorite contestant, Allison, under the bus on last week’s Rat Pack show (and even though I wrote a whole blog predicting her Results Show Demise) you guys rallied around the most underrated contestant of the season and pushed her through to tonight’s Rock-themed “Idol.”

Round of applause.

Tonight will be “Idol’s” most competitive yet. The deadweight is all gone (sorry Matt Giraud fan) and we’re left with four winners. (Yes, this Gokey hater was turned a believer after last week’s “Come Rain or Come Shine.”) And with Paula off the pills, we’re likely to avoid any Jason Castro-type ESP moments this year. Second round of applause for Paula coming clean, both figuratively and literally!

Lastly, thanks to a bout of inspiration which led to a ripped t-shirt in last week’s 60 Second Recap, I couldn’t properly shout-out last week’s winner of the “Cantiello Comment Contest.” MTV.COM user Robroy had a delicious rant that colorfully compared “Idol’s” stink to that of chicken poop. But it was the second comment that had me totally dying. “I had to look at Kara’s RIGHT ARMPIT AGAIN! Please, please, oh please…sob, sob…pleeeeeeeezzz…stop with the show opening Diguardia PitStop!”

Now that Robroy has mentioned that, you’re never going to be able to look at Kara and NOT stare at her armpit, am I right?

Let’s put this intro down like a sick dog and move on to tonight’s “Idol” live-blogging!

7:37 pm – MJ is reporting that the dress rehearsal for “Idol” has been canceled. Innnteresting. I wonder how that will affect the contestant’s game.

7:39 pm – OMG TopIdol is reporting that Debbie The Stage Manager fell down the stairs and was taken away on a stretcher. And then Ryan came out and the stage started to fall apart. Those scary spinning globes (which TopIdol mentioned in her on-the-scene blog entry from last week) hissed and then exploded. AHH!

7:40 pm – Who here thinks it’s the ghost of Bea Arthur wreaking havoc on “Idol” after hearing that Constantine Maroulis was nominated for a Tony Award this morning? You know that Broadway diva ain’t having any of that!

8:00 pm - And we're live! The taped teaser is rolling. I guess all the drama was swept up?

8:01 pm - And THIS...is "American Idol!" Okay, round of applause for the clean-up crew. Can't wait to hear what Seacrest says about the dress rehearsal!

8:02 pm - Holy crap! They're going into details. The contestants haven't been able to have a proper run-through!! And the set is broken! And they're going to do duets tonight! And Seacrest just referred to Randy as "The Staple!" This is so bizarre!

8:03 pm - Who wore it better? (Studded leather jacket edition): Kara DioGuardi or Adam Lambert?

8:04 pm - Slash is our mentor this week. He's a great vocalist! (Eyeroll.)

8:05 pm - Aww, Slash actually seems nervous to meet the contestants. Either that or he's detoxing.

8:06 pm - It's a true night of firsts. Adam Lambert is going first. For the first time ever. And he's doing a Led Zeppelin song. My mind = officially blown.

8:07 pm - Raise your hand if you're bopping your head right now. Adam Lambert is KILLING it!! I love Rock Week!!

8:09 pm - Also a first? This performance is like 17 minutes long. And it's ending with Adam shrieking "Deep inside! Woman! You need it!" Raise your hand if you just did a spit take.

8:10 pm - Randy thinks Adam should do a record with Slash. (Hate to break it to you, Randy. That album already exists. It's called "Appetite For Destruction.") Kara thinks Adam should do an album that's 70's classic rock, 80's glam rock, and Nine Inch Nails. And then she had a "When Harry Met Sally..." orgasm. I guess with Matt G gone, she's set her sights on Adam Lambert. Paula says his "Whole Lotta Love" was a whole lotta perfect. Groan.

8:11 pm - Simon says it was his favorite Lambert performance yet. One problem: "how is anyone gonna top that?" Good question, Cowell. Here's hoping Danny Gokey is next.

8:12 pm - D'oh! It's Allison! NOOO!!!

8:15 pm - A promo just promised the most intense "Hell's Kitchen" finale ever. Maybe they won't be cooking beef wellington this time? Because that would be SHOCKING!

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Tonight on "American Idol" the Top 5 will be singing songs made famous by the Rat Pack, and I'll be live-blogging every grandmother-loving second of it.

Seriously, last week was disco. And now Rat Pack Standards! "Idol" really knows how to keep their demo young, don't they? I can't wait for next week's theme: ragtime hits! And the top 3 theme: field songs!

But let's keep our minds open. Last week's disco episode was actually pretty solid, so we might be in for a treat.

Important to note that typically, "Idol" switches over to two songs per singer at this point in the season. (Remember last year's Top 5 show when Paula judged Jason Castro's second song before he performed it? Still bitter about that.) But thanks to the addition of Kara DioGodIWishSheWasFiredAlready producers realized they won't have time for 10 songs plus critiques (and the contractually-obligated Coke pimpage) in just 60 minutes. So, sorry Lambert fans. We're only getting one tune from Him - as well as the other singers - tonight. They better make it count!

On with the “Idol” live-blogging ... or, if you're more of a visual person, check out my webcam take on the show below!

7:45 pm - Did you miss last week's Lil/Anoop disco double-elimination? Catch up real quick with the latest (and rather nasty) "Idol in 60 Seconds" recap here.

7:49 pm - And while you're at it, why not check out the latest "Detox" recap of "The Hills?" I imagine not many of you watch "The Hills" but frankly, my webshow could use the traffic and we've got some time to kill before Seacrest gets this dog and pony show on the road. Trust me, if you like my live-blog you'll like "Detox," even if you don't know LC from LBJ. Watch here.

7:54 pm - That "Detox" wasn't so bad was it? Okay...the shameless self-promotion/begging will now cease.

7:55 pm - So...how 'bout that swine flu, huh?

8:00 pm - And away we go! So excited! Matt Giraud is wearing a hat/covering the mole so he might be safe again this week. This...is "American Idol" (live-blog.)

8:01 pm - Woah, Seacrest is a heavy-walker. It sounded like an elephant walked down the stairs.

8:02 pm - Ricky Minor and the band began playing while the judges were introduced. Also, Paula taped two giant red gift wrap bows to her cha-chas. I'm so confused already.

8:03 pm - Tonight's guest mentor is none other than Jamie Foxx. (Huh?) I know he has a "music career" and I know he won on Oscar for playing a blind legend, but Ray Charles wasn't the black dude with faulty vision in the Rat Pack. Sammy Davis, Jr. was. Billy Crystal has more of a right to be the mentor, frankly. Or even Joe Piscopo! Hell to the no!!!

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Old people, rejoice! “American Idol” is taking us back to the good ol’ days of bellbottoms and key parties and dinosaurs. It’s DISCO NIGHT on “American Idol” and I’ll be live-blogging every groovy second of it.

MTV News’ disappointment in “Idol” selecting a genre that’s as dated as Paula Abdul’s pop culture debut is well-documented. But it’s no fun if all we do is complain so let’s look at the bright side of tonight’s (Absurd! Heinous! Disastrous! Pointless! Obsolete! Despicable! God-awful!) theme.

First of all, Paula will be choreographing the group number in tomorrow night’s results show. I don’t recall Paula ever doing The Hustle with MC Skat Cat, so I’m not entirely sure why she chose disco week to jump back on the choreography horse, but hell, I’m still excited for it.

Second of all, Lil Rounds might actually choose a good song for her voice! Who am I kidding? She’s going to pick Bette Midler’s disco version of “Strangers in the Night” just to prove that deep down inside she’s really a sassy white woman with an affinity for bad wigs.

Lastly, disco night will force the contestants to pick uptempo tracks. Last week’s movie night was a non-stop barrage of ballads. And, thankfully, Bryan Adams has never released a disco tune. Oh crap, I’m just remembering that he did do disco when he was 19 years old. (If someone sings “Let Me Take You Dancing” I might have to stab myself.)

There I go with the negativity again.

Before I threaten self-mutilation again, let’s get to the live-blogging.

7:50 pm – Missed last week’s “shocking” use of the Judges’ Save? Catch up real quick with the latest “Idol in 60 Seconds” recap.

7:53 pm – 7 minutes to go. Don’t mind me. I’m bidding on Adam Lambert crap that wackadoodles are selling on Ebay. This floor mat might be my favorite, not only because of the grammatical error but also because something tells me ONLY boys would be allowed in Adam’s room.

8:00 pm - The show is opening with a crazy intense super-tease that feels like it belongs on "Survivor." My heart is racing. The Judges' Save was "Idol history," according to history. Yeah, it was historically stupid. We all know Matt is going home again this week.

8:01 pm - Vince Neil is in the audience! He loves the Judges' Save! I also imagine he's a fan of Adam Lambert's voice-work, since Lambert is ripping off hair metal vocalists every week.

8:02 pm - So, this is odd. Even though last week's show ran crazy long, and even though we still have seven singers, the show is still going to be an hour long.

8:03 pm - Interesting! They cut the pre-performance interview taped pieces. Good call producers!

8:03 pm - Also, they're having Lil Rounds kick off the show, which means she'll probably get kicked off tomorrow. Good call producers!

8:04 pm - Lil Rounds is singing Chaka Kahn's "I'm Every Woman." I have two things to say. 1) Her skin-tight catsuit makes it look like she is hiding every single woman in her pants. Baby got back. And 2) She may be every woman, but her hairy armpits make her more like every man. Wow. Doesn't she know that hairy pits ruined Paula Cole's career 10+ years ago?

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I often eat popcorn while I watch “American Idol,” but tonight it’s even more appropriate because “Idol’s” headed to the big screen! Don’t worry, “From Justin To Kelly 2: Electric Boogaloo” wasn’t green-lit. Nope, tonight the theme is “Songs From The Movies!”

Even better? “Idol” fanatic Quentin Tarantino is joining the party, acting as guest mentor this week. He made quite the splash as a guest judge in Season Three, where his brutal honesty was a welcome change of pace to that season’s endless parade of celebs too polite to say anything bad to anyone. (Ahem, Ashford and Simpson.) QT’s shining moment came when he ripped Diana DeGarmo a new one for picking Celine Dion’s “Titanic” hit. “You pulled off the song, but so what? There couldn’t be a song we’re more sick of hearing. You pulled off the notes and stuff, but I don’t care.” Genius. I can’t wait to hear what Quentin has to say to Lil Rounds. Or Anoop. Or Danny Gokey. Or Matt Giraud. Or…wow, this season blows, doesn’t it?

The popcorn’s ready and my sound system is blasting. (Sorry, neighbors!) I’m ready to live-blog “American Idol!”

7:50 pm – Yikes. I’m looking at the song spoilers MJ just posted and it looks like tonight’s gonna be a rough one. Aerosmith? Bryan Adams? TWICE?! The predictions I made earlier today are way off. What a shame. I really wanted to hear Matt do Prince tonight.

7:52 pm – Did you miss last week’s “Idol?” There’s still time to catch up. All you need is a minute thanks to my “Idol in 60 Seconds” recaps. Watch here now!

7:53 pm – Hell, and when you’re done with that, check out my review of the new “American Idol Experience” attraction at Disney World here. (Spoiler alert: I loved it!)

7:56 pm - Watching the end of "Seinfeld," I just realized that "Seinfeld" the TV show is 3 years older than Allison Iraheta. Seriously.

8:00 pm - "This is Quentin Tarantino...and this is American Idol!" Quentin Tarantino is my American Idol. Way to be an eccentric millionaire, dude! It's like how Andy Warhol used to hang out at WWE matches. Love it.

8:01 pm - Gasp! Ricky Minor and the band is on stage this week. I bet he finally hired an agent who was like "You mean they moved you to the top of the stage and you're not on screen anymore? No no no no no. I'll fix that."

8:03 pm - Paula looks like she's being choked by a diamond-encrusted hand.

8:04 pm - Say what?! In order to keep the show under an hour, only two judges will be critiquing each performance. Not fair!

8:04 pm - Little Stevie van Zandt's in the audience, and it looks as though he's on the James Gandolfini diet of Haagen Daas and butter.

8:05 pm - Who wants to bet Quentin cut this reel of his career himself? Also, fun fact: "Reservoir Dogs" is the same age as Allison Iraheta. (I know, she's young. I'm old. I'll get over it.)

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Sit back, relax and prepare to feel really flipping ancient, because it's "Sing A Song From The Year You Were Born" night on "American Idol."

Before the "Idol" live-blog begins, I'd like to take a moment and acknowledge how depressing it is that I am older than all but one "Idol" contestant this year. (Never thought I'd say it but thank God for Gokey.) It felt weird when I surpassed "The Real World" casts, it definitely flipped me out when I realized that I'm old enough to be Taylor Swift's dad (if I was a twelve year old stud who practiced unsafe sex). And now the only reality show where the contestants are in my age range features ballroom dancing and washed up has-beens. Hell, even Kim from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" could have gone to my prom. I've got one foot in the grave, don't I? Before I know it I'll be watching "The Mentalist" and that 10pm Leno show.

Luckily I have you all to cheer me up, and last week you did not disappoint. MTV.COM user Porgadew had me giggling when he/she said, "Does anyone else worry that at some point before the season's over, Dunkleman's gonna push Seacrest down those stairs? I know it's very unlikely and very 'Showgirls,' but I just worry about these things." Amazing, Porgadew. Again, I feel old for laughing at a "Showgirls" reference since that movie was released just 2 years after Allison Iraheta was, but perhaps I'm just sensitive to the fact that it's my job to appeal to 14-22 year olds.

So let's contemplate the meaning of life and bitch about song choice together, shall we? Ready, aim, live-blog!

7:55 pm - Did you miss Megan Joy's caw-tastic farewell last week? Catch up with my latest "Idol in 60 Seconds" recap!

7:57 pm - And after you're done watching that, check out my colleague Gil Kaufman's article, where he suggests songs for the "Idols" to sing. He thinks Gokey should do Gary Numan's "Cars." Weeeird. (I also did a video companion piece to go along with the article. Are you hungry for ham?)

8:01 pm - It's "Idol" time! Seacrest and the judges did not come out at the top of the show. There's an angry dude in a suit sitting in the audience. I wonder if he's the voice-of-God announcer who's now out of a job. (I doubt it. It seems too planted. I bet he's a tie-in to a Fox show. Do they have a sitcom coming out called "Jerks In Suits?")

8:02 pm - Yay! I forgot that tonight's theme also means we'll see baby photos. (I am not looking forward to seeing Scott's.) This year, Seacrest has baby photos of the judges, too. Paula and Simon cheated, though. They're like 8 in their photos. I guess photography hadn't been invented back when they were infants.

8:03 pm - Rob Dyrdek's in the audience! What's happening, my MTV brother?

8:04 pm - Baby Danny Gokey looks exactly like Current Danny Gokey. Daddy Gokey, however, looks nothing like Danny Gokey. I wonder what the milkman looked like in Milwaukee.

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Buy plenty of bottled water! Say goodbye to your loved ones! Go on a shopping spree you'll never have to pay off! It's “Top Downloads Night” on "American Idol." Contemporary music on "Idol?" CLEARLY the end of the world is near!! This very well could be our final "American Idol" live blog together!



The contemporary quandary is one that's always plagued the show. How are these contestants expected to compete in a current pop landscape after the show's over when all they've had to do up to that point is sing Barry Manilow and tunes from the Great Depression? It baffles me that TV's biggest show hasn't figured that out yet. Pop music is less about singing ability and more about image. Just ask Lady Gaga. (Oh wait! The contestants can because rumor has it, she's slated to appear in some capacity this week.)



Ironic, then, that America and the judges are finicky about showing love to "Idols" covering songs still on the radio. Sound too much like the original = failure. (Poor Felicia Barton!) But deviate too much and they send you packing anyway! (Ju’not Joyner and Dead Wife Guy's buddy never stood a chance!)



That's why I'm concerned for Allison tonight. She shines when she can connect to a song on an emotional level, and there ain’t that much emotion in Akon's catalogue. All signs point to a Kelly Clarkson cover, and it's nearly impossible to tackle one of those without sounding like you're rocking out at a karaoke happy hour.

Megan's doomed too, unless she can find a way to deconstruct a pop song and make it play to her strengths. I guess her strength is her beauty, so perhaps she'd be better off turning her song into an instrumental and just stand there and look amazing. Hell, I'd still vote for her!

MTV.COM user pickles had some hilarious ideas regarding Megan’s always-changing name. She wrote, “Whenever I hear Megan Joy, I always think of Almond Joy. Actually, if her name changes to Almond Joy next week, I don't even think I'd be surprised. She seems to have a new name every week. And the whole 'Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't...' phrase kinda suits her. Ooooh. Maybe she can get Lil on this whole name changing bandwagon and she could show up as Lil Mounds.” Hilarious! And delicious!

And lastly, sad news in the Gokey household, as Danny’s grandfather passed away this past week. But look at the bright side, Gokester. At least you have another corpse to dig up and exploit! That will help you last another 3-4 weeks easily.

But what's with all this projection?! Enough pointless predictions. Let's get live-blogging already!



7:52 pm - Whew! I'm back from a whirlwind trip to Florida. I got to check out the awesome, brand new "American Idol Experience" attraction. Stay tuned for a blog entry tomorrow.

7:55 pm - Did you miss last week's Motown drama? There's still time to catch up by watching my latest "Idol" in 60 Seconds recap. Clicky.



7:58 pm - Fun fact: tonight's episode is 85 minutes long, the same running-time as "Cloverfield." And just like the monster in Cloverfield, Danny Gokey is frightening New York hipsters.

8:01 pm - Oh my Zoe! We're only 60 seconds in and there are already too many styling disasters to mention.

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Resident "American Idol" expert Jim Cantiello brings you a minute-by-minute recap of every episode right here! Keep checking for updates throughout the show, and don't miss out on his previous live blogs and other "Idol" news.

It's time to live-blog another "American Idol" performance show. But it's a Wednesday! Usually we watch a performer's dreams get crushed on Wednesday. Thanks to our "Idol"-hating President, we're going to watch ten singers (well, nine singers and one blind dude) compete tonight instead. This is the second time that Obama has toyed with our beloved "Idol" schedule this season. Economy my ass! Doesn't he understand that we like watching "Idol" to forget that we have no money? He would have been better off leaving "Idol" alone and issuing a press release. Or better yet - I can't believe I'm about to say this - he should have taken a page from the Bush II presidency and just appeared on "Idol!"

Tonight will feature the music of Motown, which is an absolute minefield. For every amazing "Misery" by Barrett Strong there are three obvious stinkers like "Sugar Pie Honeybunch" waiting to take down a contestant. Provided "Idol" didn't severely limit the song list, there's no excuse for anyone to sing a classic we've heard 400 times before on this show. I swear to Seacrest, if anyone sings "Aint No Mountain High Enough" I think they should automatically be booted. Even if it's my girl Megan Joy (Corkrey).

Before I get to live-blogging, a quick shout-out to MTV.COM user Trixie who had me rolling with her comment on last week's live-blog: "Was it ugly ass jacket night? WTH Danny and Anoop?" Let's face it though, if ever there was a time to wear an ugly jacket on "Idol," wouldn't it be on Grand Ole Opry night?

But enough about the past! Let's look to the present! Motown Night live-blogging begins NOW.

7:55 pm - Did you miss last week's Alexis Grace shocker? You still have time to check out the latest "Idol in 60 Seconds" recap here before we dive in to tonight's episode.

7:58 pm - "Now That's What I Call Power Ballads?" Now that's what I call hell.

7:58 pm - OMG you guys I'm so excited. I'm going to Disney World with Team Detox this weekend for a quick, random impromptu getaway and I'm totally going to try the new "American Idol" ride/show/attraction thingamajig that just opened. CANNOT WAIT!

8:00 pm - And so it begins. The top 10 looks miserable on stage during Ryan's dramatic intro. I know they're trying to look "tough" and "serious," but instead they all look like they're about to vomit. Wait, maybe they all caught Megan's bird flu from last week.

8:02 pm - The judges are all kissing Berry Gordy and Smokey Robinson's butts while Seacrest is asking them questions. Hey guys, remember how you're supposed to be on television right now? [Slaps forehead.]

8:04 pm - Spoiler alert: The Funk Brothers dummer died yesterday.

8:05 pm - "Idol" Road Trip!! They went to Detroit to visit Motown's HQ, and the screaming fans are all there to greet them. Woah, Detroit "Idol" fans are not an attractive bunch.

8:07 pm - Trip's over, back to work. Smokey Robinson is coaching this week. I would not do well under his tutelage. I'd be constantly distracted by his tight face and green eyes.

8:08 pm - Matt Giraud's doing "Let's Get It On." This is either going to be really awesome or really icky.

8:09 pm - He's playing the piano and things are going well.

8:10 pm - Uh oh. The band kicked in and now he's walking around the stage. Holy tight pants alert! Dude, we don't need to actually be able to see that you wanna get it on, if you catch my drift. Matt's pants are to dangly bits what Megan's previous dress were to breasts.

8:10 pm - Matt just sang this line to a super-young girl in the audience: "There's nothing wrong with me loving you." It depends on the state, buddy.

8:11 pm - It was okay, but I wish he kept it focused at the piano. Once he stood up, it was a little cheeseball.

8:12 pm - The judges loved it. Paula likened his performance to a pair of "great, worn in jeans." She noticed his tight pants, too, evidently.

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