Jim Cantiello

Forget St. Patrick's Day, happy "American Idol" day! It's my favorite time of the week - live-blogging "American Idol!"??Tonight "Idol" is celebrating the timeless tunes of the Grand Ole Opry, and when I say "timeless" I mean old. Like, real old. Like Melinda Doolittle old. (Heard her debut album yet? She's got mad soul...for a sixty year old.)?Okay, not fair. Contemporary artists like Carrie Underwood, Randy Travis and Brad Paisley are all considered “Opry Stars,” so no matter how “Idol” tries to disguise it, tonight is basically “Country Night.”

Last week's double elimination was bittersweet. On one hand we trimmed the fat of Jasmine Murray, who was so boring I fell asleep writing this sentence, and Jorge Nunez, who I boldly predicted would win "Idol" this season. Ha! My fortune-telling technique is as bad as Lauren Conrad's. (Watch last night's "Detox" to figure out what I'm talking about. Shameless plug.)??

So throw on that cowboy hat and erase the memory of Phil Stacey, Josh Gracin, Kristy Lee Cook and Bucky Covington. Tonight ALL of our favorite "Idol" singers (and Adam Lambert) will be doing karaoke with a twang, and in Megan's case, a silly dance, too.

7:55 pm – Did you miss last week’s “Idol?” Catch up real quick with my “Idol in 60 Seconds” video recap here.

7:57 pm – Three minutes to go! Now’s a good time to shout-out my favorite comment from last week. It was a tough one to pick, what with one commenter complimenting the picture of my adorable cat, but flattery doesn’t get you everything, “cruzceleste.” So instead, I’m picking MTV.COM user “JennCho,” who is a fan of Allison “Not A Cutter” Iraheta. She wrote, “Allison had me rolling with the cutting line. Too bad she just lost the emo vote.” HA!

8:01 pm - And we're off! That ridiculous voice-over dude is back introducing the judges and Seacrest. I swear, Ryan must have an amazing agent, because you just KNOW that was in his contract for this season. "I want fancy stairs that I can walk down, and a dude with a deep voice must say my name seductively."

8:02 pm - ACK! Seacrest wishes everyone a Happy St. Paddy's day and then the set just turned green. If he really wanted to commit, he would have dressed up like a leprechaun, but whatever.

8:03 pm - Paula Abdul is sticking to her "Adam/Gokey" finale prediction. She has ESP, y'all. Remember last year when she critiqued Jason's performance BEFORE it happened? Mm-hmm.

8:04 pm - The contestants are coming out on stage, and my girl Megan Corkrey looks super-upset. Uh oh! Rumor has it, she suffered a wardrobe malfunction and couldn't perform during the dress rehearsal. (Thanks for the tip, MJs Big Blog!)

8:05 pm - So basically, the Grand Ole Opry is like The Skulls for the South. You think they have any hazing rituals? "Carrie Underwood, you can make it into the Opry, but first you have to shave Hank Williams, Jr.'s back...with your teeth."

8:06 pm - Texan Roughneck Michael Sarver is up first. He's singing "Ain't Goin' Down Til The Sun Comes Up." I wish I could say I know what this song is. According to Michael, it's "loaded with lyrics." This week's mentor, Randy Travis, whose face makes my TV look like it's on "Anamorphic Squeeze Mode" even though it's not, agrees that Sarver is doomed if he flubs a word.

8:08 pm - Michael Sarver - 0. The harmonica player (who I thought was Kris Allen for a second) - 1. This is pitiful. He's overpowered by the female background singers. He's awkwardly high fiving audience members. This is not going well.

8:10 pm - The judges missed the big notes. No one is calling him out on the fact that he was off the beat half the time.

8:11 pm - Mark 8:11 pm down as the moment Michael Sarver announced he was a country music artist. I KNEW this would happen.

8:12 pm - "If we were all perfect, we wouldn't need this show." Michael Sarver is a sass machine. The country folks are gonna love it.

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Jim Cantiello

Before we get to tonight's "American Idol" live-blog recap, I just want to say that I feel sorry for "Idol's" producers. They just didn't know what they were getting into with this Top 13 business, did they? Apparently, the "Idol-13" phone number actually leads to a phone sex line. (HA! I didn't even know those existed anymore!) And the dude who is in charge of putting all the phone numbers up on the screen now has an entirely new number to worry about. Here's hoping he doesn't put up the wrong number...again.

The other challenge is finding a theme that will be strong enough for 13 singers! Last year, we kicked off the finals with The Beatles, and now, "Idol" is beginning the competition with Michael Jackson. If someone sings the MJ/Macca collabo "Say Say Say," my mind will officially be blown.

But MJ is an odd choice, no? (And I'm not even talking about those allegations, or that baby dangling incident, or, you know, EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT THAT DUDE BESIDES HIS MUSIC).
Just three weeks ago, the judges ripped apart semi-finalist Stephen Fowler for singing a Michael Jackson tune, so now producers decided it would be a good idea to let all 13 finalists do their worst? Okay...

But the more I think of it, the more I'm happy with their choice. In my crystal ball, I see Michael Sarver grabbing his crotch, Adam Lambert non-ironically shrieking "Sha'Mon!" and Scott attempting to moonwalk. Those all sound like bad things, right? Yes, but those disasters would be good for my girl Megan Joy (formerly Megan Corkrey), which will help her to victory.

Before I start going on and on about her lovely tats, let's ease on down the live-blog.

7:55 pm - Anyone miss last week's "Idol?" No worries! Catch up real quick with my "Idol in 60 Seconds" recaps by clicking here.

7:58 pm - There's a talking monkey on an AXA Equitable commercial. It makes me miss Bubbles. (Is Bubbles still with us?)

8:00 pm - EXTREME ZOOM IN on Seacrest above all the contestants. This is so Judas in "Jesus Christ Superstar."

8:01 pm - There's a weird voice of God announcer introducing all the judges (Paula loves feathers!) and Seacrest, who stepped down a magical staircase. This is blowing my mind.

8:03 pm - Remember that old tale about the woman who had a ribbon around her neck? And then her husband finally untied the ribbon and her head fell off? Kara DioGuardi is that woman tonight.

8:04 pm - Paula Abdul's advice to the contestants: "Don't let the stage consume you...the way this wackadoodle feather ensemble is swallowing my upper torso and neck."

8:04 pm - Justin Guarini alert! He's sitting behind Simon, just barely making it onto the frame. (I knew this HD TV would come in handy while live-blogging "Idol!")

8:04 pm - The contestants' entrances are mad awkward. They're each standing at the bottom of the stairs, and waiting for their names to wave. Out of 13 contestants, not one of them did this gracefully. Can't wait for the group number tomorrow night!

8:05 pm - SAY WHAAAAAT??? Simon Cowell: "Two of you will be going home tomorrow." Well, that makes the whole Top 13 stunt feel pointless, doesn't it?

8:06 pm - It's Michael Jackson night! $50 says they make no mention of his pajama perp walk in the taped package about his career.

8:07 pm - Lil Rounds is up first. (That's rough!) She's a tornado survivor. Eek! I thought these sob stories were going to end after the audition episodes!

8:08 pm - Lil Rounds is singing "The Way You Make Me Feel." She makes me feel very, very happy. Her white pants, however, make me feel uncomfortable. (Is that a diaper?!)

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Jim CantielloResident "American Idol" expert Jim Cantiello brings you a minute-by-minute recap of every episode right here! Keep checking for updates throughout the show, and don't miss out on his previous live blogs and other "Idol" news.

Live-blogging "American Idol" time! The final week of "Idol" semi-finals is upon us, and I am happier than Adam Lambert on Fire Island. (In case you haven't visited a blog in the past few days, dude's been sucking face with other dudes in pictures. Have fun swallowing that, homophobes!) We have 6 out of the 12 finalists selected, and by the end of the week, thanks to Thursday's mysterious Wild Card show, we'll flesh out the rest if the singers worthy of our votes. It will also reveal 18 people whose dreams are crushed thanks to "Idol" making the show 8000 times harder thanks to a frustrating and inane semi-finals, where they lumped a crapload of singers together each week. (Poor Mishavonna Henson. That girl was robbed! And don't even get me started on my girl Megan Corkrey...)

So, after this week, the blur of a Top 36 will be behind us, and then we'll get to the weekly shriekfest of Adam Lambert, who, as MTV.COM user Peggy Sue's 15 year old son astutely pointed out, would be better suited playing Judas in "Jesus Christ Superstar." I agree. I don't know how to love him. (Great, now that score is stuck in my head again. "Tables, chairs and oaken chests would have suited Jesus best..." GAHHHHH!)

Enough with the show-tune quotations. Let's live-blog "Idol!"

7:55 pm - Miss last week's episodes? Catch up real quick with my "Idol in 60 Seconds" recaps here!

8:00 pm - This...is American Idol! Judging from the Brady Bunch staircase formation, Lil Rounds is going last. Are we not surprised?

8:02 pm - My favorite part of the show: where the contestants awkwardly walk up the stairs and wave! Scott MacIntyre has a seeing eye man. That's nice of "Idol" producers. (Will he have him for choreography in tomorrow night's group number?)

8:03 pm - Von Smith is up first, and in his interview package he promises viewers that he won't scream at us. Not since Michael Phelps hosted "SNL" and said, "We have a great show tonight" have I scoffed so hard at a television.

8:04 pm - Von is wearing Pee Wee's gray suit. Instead of shouting, he's breathily moaning into a microphone. Upgrade?

8:05 pm - Okay, he's not doing so bad...except he looks like he's reallllly focusing on not shouting.

8:06 pm - Kara DioGuardi likes the tamed down Von. "It's not about how high you can go and what you can do, it's about doing it when it has meaning." This coming from a woman who flipped her wig over ADAM LAMBERT. Hypocrite!

8:07 pm - Simon: "You remind me of Clay Aiken." Von doesn't know how to react. Well, buddy, it means you'll have a following of delusional 49 year-old shut-ins. Get ready to pimp your CD on QVC. [Go ahead and rip me apart, Claymates. Leave a comment or 200 below.]

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Jim Cantiello

President Obama threw a wrench in “Idol’s” sink last night, what with his “I’m so important I’m going to talk and talk and talk and ruin Jim Cantiello’s favorite show schedule and make his whole week feel weird” speech thingy, so here we are on a Wednesday night gearing up to watch the next batch of 12 semi-finalists try to melisma their way into the finals. I feel like a dog in a dress, honestly. An “Idol” performance show on a Wednesday? But this is the night we normally watch 58 minutes of filler before 2 minutes of results! The sky is falling!!

Before we get to tonight’s “American Idol” live-blog, I must admit that I’m live-blogging at work this week. I couldn’t make it home in time for the show, so I’m sitting here with headphones on. I’m watching on a crappy monitor with bad reception. (Seriously, MTV. We’re a cable network. Why don’t we get reception in the building?!) I miss my cats. I have that odd “airplane hunger” ping in my tummy – when regardless of how much you shoved down your gullet at the airport, as soon as you step on the plane you’re automatically hungrier than Kate Moss during fashion week.

We’ll work through this together, shall we?

So last week, we saw Michael “Non-deserving” Sarver, Danny “Ghost Whisperer” Gokey, and Alexis Grace make it to the finals, or as MTV.COM user bsriddle called her, “the 12 year old with the helmet hair.” Snap!

Now let's get live-blogging!

7:57 pm - Any latecomers to the season, don't fret. You can quickly catch up with what you missed last week by watching my handy dandy "Idol in 60 Seconds" recap here.

8:00 pm - Ryan Seacrest: "Where else can you find a bartender, a font designer and a comedian...?" I don't know, dude, but I'm pretty sure you can find a porno for any fetish out there. Keep lookin'.

8:00 pm - Wait a hot minute second! Is Megan Corkrey a FONT DESIGNER?! She is even sexier now. Do you think she can speak "Wingding?" Swoon!!

8:01 pm - The three finalists are there. Is it just me or does Alexis Grace remind you of Keri Strug? She is tiny!

8:02 pm - The judges have changed their seating assignments. Why do they have to mess with perfection?

8:03 pm - Oooh: the performing order has been revealed. Jasmine the Pageant Queen is up first, which can only mean that she won't make it through this week. Small victory for me. Matt Giraud is #2, which, after Alexis Grace last week, might be the new pimp spot? Nick "Normund Gentle" is dab smack in the middle (poor guy), and Megan Corkrey has added a "Joy" to her name. Obviously it's a shout-out to me, since she knows she brings me so much. Or, at least she did in the 14 seconds we heard her sing in an audition episode. Boy, do I hope she's good tonight.

8:03 pm - Jasmine Murray is a 17-year old. She looks like a skinny Mo'Nique. That's a compliment.

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OscarsMTV News is on the scene at the 81st Annual Academy Awards! We don't want to leave you out of the action, so all night long, Larry Carroll, Benjamin Wagner, Vanessa White Wolf and Jonathan Mussman will be logging on to tell you what's going on backstage, in the bleachers and on the red carpet on Hollywood's big night.

1:12 p.m. PT in the Kodak Theatre: The theater is totally reconfigured — basically 13 or so semi circle seating sections in place of the usual orchestra seats. It's very tight and jam-packed full of big names.

There will be some A-list singers performing on the show. Ones our audience is familiar with. And for the first year I recall, the show will feature men handing out the statuettes. The show producers are Broadway-trained so expect it for overall look and feel. Host Hugh Jackman is looking very jacked-up/muscular, more so than usual, since he was shooting "Wolverine." Read More...

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Jim CantielloResident "American Idol" expert Jim Cantiello brings you a minute-by-minute recap of every episode right here! Keep checking for updates throughout the show, and don't miss out on his previous live blogs and other "Idol" news.

"American Idol" semi-finals are here! And as an "Idol" fanatic and live-blogger, I couldn't be happier. This is the time we learn what the contestants are all about, separate from the producers grubby hands manipulating their audition backstories. I live for the semi-finals, because for every great Jason Castro break-out, there are 4 Nicole Tranquillo hot messes.

It's Christmas in February, folks, and to extend the metaphor, Joanna Pacitti is the one Jewish kid in town. Sorry you were qualified last week, Joanna! The sun'll come out tomorrow. Oops, bad choice.

Before we get to tonight's live-blog, big shout out to MTV.COM user kitgyrl who made me chuckle last week during the "Judge's Mansion" ridiculousness by writing, "In Texas when we tell someone 'You're through,' [it means] your're done...finished...kaput...So, when they say this on the show, it confuses me." Kitgyrl, this show confuses me, too. But for different reasons. Namely, Tatiana.

So let's sit back and take in the TRUE beginning of "Idol: Season 8." (And if the "Idol" Song Spoilers are to be believed, we're in for a lot of insanity.) On with the blogging!

7:55 pm - Fox just aired an "Idol" promo for tonight's episode that was just one "Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!" away from a monster truck rally ad. Classy!

7:59 pm - I'm so ridiculously excited right now! Despite a trainwreck kick off to "Idol's" eighth season, the show still has me hooked, dangit!

8:00 pm - The first group of 12 are standing on the steps like the Brady Bunch. And Tatiana is nodding her head like a bobble head. Let's hope America plays Sam The Butcher and cuts that mess from our show! Boo!

8:01 pm - Seacrest says the judging panel looks like "The View." So...let's see. Randy is Sherri Shephard, Kara is Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Paula is Babs and Simon is totes Joy Behar. (I love that woman. Joy Behar, come on MTV Detox!)

8:03 pm - Ok...give me a moment to transcribe Paula's advice to the contestants. "You know what? This is all your dream, right? You gotta hit that center stage and make magic happen in a minute twenty seconds, and if you don't? Look to the right, look to the left, whoever's better, you're gonna go home! It's a tough...tough...kind of a season this year." How is all that gonna fit on a charm bracelet, Paula?

8:04 pm - Time to introduce the contestants. Or, time for the contestants to make silly faces and hand gestures as they run towards the camera.

8:04 pm - Winner of best hand gesture goes to: Stephen Fowler. To the left, to the left! Worst hand gesture goes to all the contestants who did a double-handed wave. Note to future "Idol" contestants: just wave with one hand. When you do the whole open palmed two-handed grab move, it looks like you're feeling up Casper.

8:05 pm - Jackie Tohn is up first! She's 28 going on 60. The shoulder pads she's rocking in the pre-performance interview package are straight outta Paula's Forever Your Girl Tour wardrobe. She's rocking out to "A Little Less Conversation."

8:06 pm - Oooh, I like it! Funky and weird and funky. But her "Katy Perry at Jazzercize class in 40 years" garb is a little much. Ick, and she's getting a little tone deaf. Or shall I say Tohn Deaf?

8:07 pm - Randy Jackson: "I like the trousers." Jackie Tohn: "And the trousers like you." LOL!

8:08 pm - Uh oh. Jackie needs to stop talking about her trousers. Too much. Too much.

8:09 pm - Simon doesn't like that she "played the clown" tonight. Why would she think that "Idol" rewards clowns? (A-hem, Tatiana and Nick.)

8:10 pm - The Tohn family LOVES shiny clothing.

8:11 pm - Jackie's dad just called her "mama." What's the opposite of Oedipal?

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Jim Cantiello

The "American Idol" Top 36 list is mere hours away from revealing itself and all I can think about is Leneshe Young. Before we get to tonight's "Idol" live blog, I just want to say it's unfair that she got cut when a host of singers who flubbed lyrics (a-hem Joanna), and acted like psychopaths (I'm lookin' at you, Tatiana!) skated through to Judge's Mansion.

And let's talk about Judge's Mansion for a moment. This "the judges live together" joke might have worked in season 1, but we all know Simon, Randy, Paula and Kara ain't shacking up together while they decide on "Idol"s new cast. Puh-leaze!

Tonight "Idol" is mixing things up with a new "Sing for Your Survival" round stolen from "So You Think You Can Dance," except instead of doing a desperate modern dance solo to a Sia song, we'll watch contestants desperately sing "Aint No Mountain High Enough." Hope you have popcorn ready!!

Lastly, before the live-blogging begins, I have to give a shout-out to MTV.COM user Andrea, who highlights an amazing irony surrounding ridiculously dramatic TV production. She writes, "'American Idol' shows us all these sob stories about being blind, losing wives and being poor, and then has the balls to say that Hollywood Week is 'the toughest week of their lives'? What gives, AI?" Right on, Andrea!

Okay, now let's get blogging!

7:59 pm - I wonder how big Paula's closet will be in Judge's Mansion.

8:00 pm - And so it begins! The judges have magically appeared on set in giant red sofas.

8:01 pm - You know your idea is stupid when even Ryan Seacrest can't even say it with a straight face. "This is Judge's Mansion!" Mm-hmm.

8:02 pm - OH boy. So, there are big changes in "Idol" land! Instead of having the contestants walk down a long hall, they're going to walk down TWO long hallways, and a garden! Oh "Idol."

8:04 pm - Anoop made it into the Top 36! How long before Randy makes an "Anoop Dogg" joke?

8:05 pm - Von Smith just dissed his parents in front of the judges by saying they make him sing self-indulgent songs, which is why he chose that awful song the first day of Hollywood Week. And then he made it to the Top 36, and hugged his mom in front of Seacrest. I wonder if they're hugging each other tonight as they watch this episode together. "You said WHAT about me to Simon?"

8:07 pm - So both of Von Smith's parents are singers. Remind me never to go Christmas caroling with the Smith family without my ear plugs.

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Jim CantielloResident "American Idol" expert Jim Cantiello brings you a minute-by-minute recap of every episode right here! Keep checking for updates throughout the show, and don't miss out on his previous live blogs and other "Idol" news.

Before we get to tonight's live-blog of "American Idol's" second batch of Hollywood Week episodes, it seems like you, too, were disappointed by last week's "Idol" offerings. The comments on my live-blog all echoed the same sentiments I ranted about - poor pacing, confusing editing - so here's hoping this week's round of "Idol" episodes won't leave us bewildered and angry. At the very least, the lackluster "Idol" has prompted you guys to write especially awesome commentary of your own. Take, for example, MTV.COM user Y2Kyle, who delivered my favorite comment of the night. "The other networks call this show the Death Star, does anyone else remember the part of the movie where the Death Star blows up? Could this be it?" Snap! I'm not much of a "Star Wars" guy, so I don't really understand the reference, but it sounds clever as all heck. Great job, Y2Kyle!

So buckle up, kids. We're in for another "Idol" Hollywood episode. Hopefully it's not as bumpy as last week. Let the live-blogging commence!

7:58 pm - Before "Idol" begins, I should warn you: I officially have no voice (you'll hear it in tonight's "MTV Detox," premiering at 11pm), and to help heal my ailing chords, my doctor prescribed me steroids. And now I have a ravenous appetite. So if my live-blogging is lagging tonight, it's probably because I'm stuffing my face with banana bread.

8:00 pm - They better show Megan Corkrey tonight, dangit!

8:01 pm - Tonight's episode will feature the remaining 72 contestants singing with a full band. This is when Josiah choked. There better be drama tonight!

8:03 pm - "American Idol" is going all "Memento" on us, telling the story in reverse. Fun!

8:04 pm - Adam Lambert is up first. He's going to sing "Believe" by Cher. And he's singing it like Kiki and Herb. (So...he's gay, right?)

8:05 pm - Matt "Not Elliott Yamin" Giraud is back. And he sounds hoarse. Who does he think he is, me?! Actually, his "Georgia on my Mind" makes me think of him like a piano-man version of John Mayer. Plus, he makes funny faces when he sings. How long before Matt's schtupping Aniston?

8:07 pm - Jamar Rogers is crashing and burning on "Hey There Delilah." Hey Jamal, "what you're doing to me-e-e" is making me uncomfortable.

8:08 pm - Danny Gokey's "I Hope You Dance" has inspired Paula to imitate a rodeo clown. It has inspired me to grab some sour cream and onion potato chips.

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Jim CantielloResident "American Idol" expert Jim Cantiello brings you a minute-by-minute recap of every episode right here! Keep checking for updates throughout the show, and don't miss out on his previous live blogs and other "Idol" news.

Tonight I get to live-blog "Idol's" second Hollywood week episode. It's group number day in "Idol" Land, which should be much more interesting than last night's ho-hum offering. Typically, this is an episode that guarantees standout performances, earth-shattering meltdowns and - my favorite - diva behavior to the nth degree.

Get your popcorn ready, folks. It's the one time all "Idol" season when the contestants and the drama surrounding them feels REAL and not manufactured by producers. (Ironic, considering it's the one episode that's most like other reality shows.)

I can't wait to see how Bikini Girl interacts with people who can actually sing. (And if you haven't already, you should read my colleague Gil Kaufman's article about the Bikini Girl Survival Controversy.)

On with the live-blog!

7:59 pm - Come on, "Idol." Don't fail me tonight. Give me something worth blogging, dangit.

8:00 pm - If the episode is a quarter as good as this teaser, we're in for an awesome night. But why is this only an hour? Doesn't it feel like they're teasing at least 2 hours worth of excitement?

8:02 pm - MEGAN CORKREY!! She just forced herself into a group. You can sing with me, girl!

8:02 pm - Meanwhile, Tatiana Del Toro (the crazy giggler) is back, and her group is already regretting picking her. I don't blame them.

8:04 pm - Rose Flack is also regretting her choice. She picked Bikini Girl to sing with. "My group is more concerned with being cute..." Your cute, too, Rose, in your own hippy dippy way!

8:05 pm - Tatiana's group has already caused her to meltdown. "They're going to throw me under the bus!" And now she's joining another group! Nancy Wilson (nice red weave!) is NOT havin' it. OMG I LOVE HER.

8:06 pm - Okay, this episode is a mess. Why is there so much Ryan Seacrest voice-overs? It's like they took two hours and decided last minute to cram it into one. Ugggh! What is happening to my favorite show, guys??

8:09 pm - Yikes, they're making the blind guy do CHOREOGRAPHY?! Cruel cruel cruel.

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Jim CantielloResident "American Idol" expert Jim Cantiello brings you a minute-by-minute recap of every episode right here! Keep checking for updates throughout the show, and don't miss out on his previous live blogs and other "Idol" news.

Things that make me happy:

1) The sound of Skittles spilling on a movie theater floor.
2) Expensive dark chocolate.
3) HOLLYWOOD WEEK ON AMERICAN IDOL!

Yes, it's time to live-blog the first night of "Hollywood Week," that glorious part of each "Idol" season when the contestants stop being polite and start getting real. And no more depressing and reduntant audition episodes to sit through! Like a lollipop at the end of a colonoscopy, Hollywood Week is our little gift after suffering through agonizing pain.

Think of all the awesome "Idol" moments that came out of Hollywood Week. Frenchie and Kimberley killing "Band of Gold," Archuleta's tear-inducing "Heaven," Josiah's meltdown, Fantasia's "lips" comment. OMG I could write a book.

And this year we get TWO WEEKS of "Hollywood," and the added bonus of a new judge in the mix. What will Hollywood Week have in store for us this year? Let's find out together, shall we?

7:58 pm - Whew! I almost missed "Idol," thanks to a crazy-long subway ride. Question: why does snow affect an underground subway system?

8:02 pm - That was quite a teaser! Buckle up, kids!

8:03 pm - I think I have Seacrest's purple sweater. Uh oh.

8:03 pm - "Idol" Boot Camp!! SHUT UP! Why isn't this a spinoff show? They're setting them up with stylists, vocal coaches and Barry Manilow?! Best! Hollywood! Week! Ever!

8:04 pm - First round they're split into groups of eight! Lil Rounds is up first. "I Will Always Love You" is not a good choice. Kara and Paula are giving standing ovations?

8:06 pm - Dennis Brigham has crazy eyes. I feel like he's going to strangle me through my TV screen. Nightmare-inducing!

8:07 pm - Lil and four other people we've never met got through, but Dennis didn't. And he's not going without a fight. OMG he IS crazy. The eyes don't lie. You know what? This is what the judges get for putting through a mediocre singer who can do a back flip. I can't wait to see them take down Bikini Girl.

8:10 pm - Cheer up, Dennis. You could always get a job as a psychlops in these frightening H&R Block ads.

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