It's official. I have a new summer obsession: "I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!"

Last night's two-hour premiere was a marathon of train wrecks, egos and schadenfreude ... and I loved every second of it. Who knew that watching Stephen Baldwin, Lou Diamond Phillips, Sanjaya and Janice Dickinson chow down on raw tripe and cow-intestine milkshakes would bring me such immense joy?

In a weird way, I was proud of my home-team players, Spencer and Heidi Pratt. Those two MTV superstars stole the show with their delusional expectations, spontaneous prayer sessions and cartoonish scheming.

Here are my five fave Speidi moments from the premiere of "I'm a Celeb ...":

5) The 9th contestant on the show? Heidi's hair-care products. During the final live moments (where the celebs were put in positions resembling waterboarding — except instead of liquid, they were covered with creepy crawlies), Heidi sat the challenge out and personally contributed to 40 percent of our ozone layer's depletion by obsessively spraying her hair. Random side note: Heidi without makeup? Awesome. Remember the old Heidi, the one from the first couple of seasons on "The Hills," when she looked ... um ... different? Apparently, when she doesn't have a hair and makeup team touching her up every five minutes, Heidi looks a lot like her younger self. Perhaps all those plastic surgery rumors are fake after all?
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