Somewhere in the depths of the Nokia Theatre, I'm convinced there is a secret underground vault filled with pixie dust, a man-size vat of Velveeta and a rhyming dictionary that is the source of every "American Idol" winner's song.
Jordin Sparks' "This Is My Now." David Cook's "The Time of My Life." Taylor Hicks' "Do I Make You Proud" (not so much). Kelly Clarkson's "A Moment Like This." What do they have in common? All terrible, schmaltzy songs that even the superfans who instantly downloaded them have probably deleted from their iPods long since.
And then there was Tuesday night's addition to the canon, "No Boundaries," a titanic mound of turgid clichés co-written by none other than judge and professional songsmith, Kara DioGuardi. This über-"Idol" winner's song had it all: opening lines about time slowly ticking away and wanting something (Simon's approval?) forever! But having to wait for it! (Typically 58 minutes.)